


Way Down We Go

by theIronStark3000



Series: The Disaster Lineage Talks About Their Feelings [1]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Obi-Wan Kenobi, Blind Obi-Wan Kenobi, Caring Dooku (Star Wars), Disaster Lineage (Star Wars), Dooku Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side (Star Wars), Dysfunctional Family, Family Dynamics, Force Visions (Star Wars), Grandparent Dooku (Star Wars), Grandparent Yoda (Star Wars), Grandparents & Grandchildren, Healing, Human Disaster Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hurt Qui-Gon Jinn, Injury Recovery, Jedi Culture & Tradition (Star Wars), Jedi Temple (Star Wars), Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Medical Trauma, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Has PTSD, Obi-Wan Kenobi Has Self-Esteem Issues, Overstimulation, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Parental Plo Koon, Planet Melida | Daan (Star Wars), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Plo Koon, Protective Qui-Gon Jinn, Qui-Gon Jinn's A+ Parenting, Tahl Lives (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28354707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Qui-Gon doesn’t return to Melida/Daan to collect Obi-Wan. Three years later, the Order deals with the aftermath of a fragile trust between a Master and Apprentice.
Relationships: Bant Eerin & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Garen Muln & Reeft & Quinlan Vos, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Jedi Council, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Tahl, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Tahl, Qui-Gon Jinn/Tahl (Star Wars)
Series: The Disaster Lineage Talks About Their Feelings [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084748
Comments: 88
Kudos: 333





	1. Chapter 1

The Temple buzzes with the rumors of a returned Padawan. Obi-Wan Kenobi had made the decision to walk away from the Order three years ago, and his Master denounced him. Yet somehow, this Child of the Force has found his way back home again.

Vokara Che has a frown on her lips as she releases her complicated emotions into the Force. Reviewing her extensive physical examination of young Kenobi, it is clear he has suffered during three years of war. 

The boy’s lithe, small muscular body is malnourished, littered with scars and old injuries that didn’t heal well, include a number of blaster bolt wounds. Perhaps, what is most shocking to her is, his matured Force signature and the haunted look on his gaunt face.   
  
  
  


Obi-Wan does not feel dark, no, he is firmly rooted in light. It is the overwhelming sadness, compassion and remorse that throws the Chief Healer off balance.   
  


Kenobi had always shone brightly in the Force. Gone is the carefree, happy go lucky, passionate boy she knew. In his stead, is a hardened, young man, one who has felt hunger, cared for wounded younglings, held the dying, and taken lives.   
  


He is still kind and rooted in light, but there is something about his calm, groundedness that scares her. Obi-Wan has been very matter of fact about his time on Melida/Daan. He cannot save them, they did not wish to be saved. 

He regrets his involvement in bloodshed, and suffering. Though, he remains firmly in supporting the Young was the right thing to do. Obi-Wan expresses however, regret for how he felt things with his Master. 

War and violence, Kenobi believes is is rarely worth engagement. His skills in negotiation, conflict resolution, and strategy have improved greatly. Master Che believes this young man will be invaluable to the Order. However, the failure of helping the centuries long conflict weighs heavily on him, and the death of his friend.

When offered food, Kenobi ate as starving, or quickly, whether he was afraid of it being taken away. Che suspected he still lived as if under the constant threat of danger. His body was wired to be living in the midst of a war zone. 

  
His once blue eyes now were a milky, whitish-silver. Obi-Wan explained, he had been thrown by several feet when an IED exploded, and the head injury caused the blindness. Although, he cannot see with his eyes. Kenobi used his finely tuned senses and the Force to navigate the world. 

It unnerved her, how perceptive Kenobi seemed, even with the absence of sight. He had a keen ability to know when someone was telling the truth or not. Obi-Wan did not respond to lying well, and his trust in the Order withered.

Che suspected the boy believed the Order abandoned him, condemning to a miserable death on a war torn planet. Perhaps, he was right, from a certain point of view. The Council never sent for his rescue nor pressed Master Jinn for further details. Obi-Wan may truly believe his friends and teachers did not care for him.

His hands were rough, calloused, though, Kenobi did not carry a lightsaber. Che noted a wooden staff along his belongings. At first, she thought he used it to navigate, but his hands suggested he used it as both a weapon and guide.   
  


The story of how Obi-Wan met, worked and traveled with Hondo Ohnaka to be able to return to Coruscant, is one for another time. 

He arrived in a trance like state at the Temple, the man who brought him in, Dexter Jettster, a fry cook said he thought Kenobi was one of theirs. The boy had been lost in a fit, the Force widely out of control within caused us objects to be suspended in mid air and shattered violently when dropped.   
  


Obi-Wan did not seem to be in control of his body during these fits. Che was not sure of their cause at this time. She suspected his visions had gotten worse again, with a more visceral response. 

The first few days he had been unconscious. Now, Kenobi was awake for longer stretches of time. Che made sure he got an evaluation from the Mind Healers when awake and kept his visitors away. The boy needed rest, not to be question by his former Master and the Council. There would be time to get to the bottom of this.   
  


  
Her work was interrupted, Vokara Che sighed, as she stood looking over the wall of x-rays and photographs of Obi-Wan’s injuries. He had old fractures and breaks, noticeably his collar bone and skull.   
  


“Please, I must see him.”, Master Jinn pleaded looking distraught. His eyes were red and wet, voice broken, a pained, pinched look on his face.

”Obi-Wan has asked to be left alone.”

”Surely he does not mean his Master.”

  
  


“You _denounced_ him, Master Jinn.”

  
  


“I was wrong, neglectful and arrogant. Force, what I have I done?”, Jinn’s shame bleeds into the Force. He eyes the x-rays, his child has suffered numerous injuries and pain.

  
  


”We betrayed him, Qui-Gon, as an Order we care for younglings. We should’ve searched for him, asked questions, offered our support.”

“I was afraid of being hurt again. Vokara, I cut him out of my heart, shattered our bond.”

“I fear we may have lost a beautiful soul forever.”

”I must know he is alright.”

“You must calm yourself first, release your emotions in the Force. He does not need to be overwhelmed.”

“I will mediate, and return when I am in control of my emotions.”

  
“Peace, Qui-Gon. He is alive and we will face whatever is next together.”

Vokara Che pinched her nose again, she didn’t know what she would do with Jinn. The Council currently debated what to do with the former Master and apprentice. 

* * *

After nearly a week of rest, Master Che finally deems Obi-Wan strong enough to appear before the Council. She handed him a pair of earth tone clothes, and a pair of boots. Obi-Wan thanked with a quiet nod.

Obi-Wan showered, and changed out of his hospital clothes with quiet efficacy. He packed his few belongings into his cloth messenger bag.

Kenobi went through his usual morning routine: working through katas, meditation, and centering himself by chanting these words: _I am one with the Force and the Force is one with me._

  
While Obi-Wan had thought his dream of becoming a Knight over, he had not given up his practices nor the teachings of the Jedi. How can one become a knight if his master denounced him after all? However, he continued to service the Force, and honed his skills. In fact, his shields were much improved than they were before.

He found his connection with the unifying Force exhausting during the war. It required him to improve his shields. Otherwise, he would’ve become a tattered shell of himself. Well, more than he had already become.  
  
  


In his pocket, Obi-Wan kept a dog eared copy of Jedi philosophy which had been a constant companion. Perhaps there were other ways to serve the Force, if there is no place in the Order. Obi-Wan isn’t even sure if he wants to return.   
  


Masted Che sits beside him on the bench. She notes he seems a little nervous, but otherwise surprisingly grounded and calm. 

Their Obi-Wan has grown in his abilities, she observed his healing skills among others had greatly improved. Should Kenobi wish to serve as a healer, Master Che would welcome him.   
  
  


“Kenobi, the Council wishes to see you.”, a Knight announced.

He nodded, “Of course.”

”May the Force be with you.”, Master Che gave his shoulder a squeeze.

”And with you as well.”

Obi-Wan used his staff to help guide him along. The Council seemed relieved, happy, and even surprised to see him upright. They took in the right of his brownish-ginger hair, kept short and neat, absent of a padawan braid.   
  


There were quiet murmurs as they watched him move with a fluid, ease. He wore darkened glasses to protect his eyes from the sensitivity of light.   
  


It was clear to Master Yoda and the others this young man was disciplined and diligent. His Force presence bright in the Force. His body, lithe and honed as a warrior, hands callused from training. Despite his taking of leave from their Order, Obi-Wan remained a student of the Force.   
  
  


“What happened to you, you must tell us, young Kenobi.”

  
  


“I despite my best effort could not end the conflict on Melida/Daan.”

”Why do you believe you failed, young one?”, Master Plo Koon asked gently. 

”We had nearly negotiated peace until Ceras, one of the key leaders died. The Young despite their initial goal, for peace decided on revenge, which only lead to more bloodshed until it finally ceased.”   
  


“Very sorry am I, to hear you lost your friend.”, Master Yoda said.   
  


“As am I. She would not have wished for a war fought in her name.”

”You have learned much. I am only sorry you learned it through a traumatic experience.”, Windu pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You cannot save people who do not wish to be saved.”

”You have grown wise, Kenobi.”, Mundi remarked.   
  


“I am sorry for disobeying the orders of this Council and of my Master.”, Obi-Wan bowed his head in apology.

”Regret your actions do you?”, Yaddle asked.

“I sincerely believed supporting the Young in their efforts essential. I only regret I could not led them to peaceful resolution.”

”Tell me, young one, why did you chose to leave the Order? Healer Che tells me you continue to pratice what the Jedi have taught you.”, Windu asked. 

“Master Jinn gave me a choice: either leave the planet with him or remain with the Young.”

“Sorry am I, for not pressing for more questions, or sending aid.”, Master Yoda expressed.

”Why should you? I am no Jedi. My Master severed our training bond. We are no longer Master and Padawan.”

”Qui-Gon did what?!”, Master Plo raised his voice.   
  


  
“He severed our bond. It is no more.”

”May we see for ourselves, Kenobi?”, Windu asked.   
  


“I suppose so.”   
  


  
The Council was surprised to find his shields as strong as they were. Obi-Wan lowered them gently, it was almost overwhelming to feel the inky, blackened angry, hurt of the severed bond.

”Does it hurt?”, Mundi asked.   
  


“Sometimes, especially when I have headaches.”

”Do you often have headaches?”, Windu asked in sympathy.

”Yes, I think my head injury and visions do not help.”

”Overwhelming connection to the unifying force, young Kenobi has.Found them difficult to deal with alone did you?”

“Master Jinn told me to deal with them by focusing on the present and feel the flow of the living Force. I-I learned to deal with them alone.”

The Council reacts sharply to this. Masters Yoda and Windu know how painful Obi-Wan’s visions are. It is not appropriate for a Jedi Master to discuss his padawan in such a passion.”

”Painful and difficult the war must have been for you.”

  
”Yes, Master. I-I could feel every death in the Force. War was painful, as was the hunger, suffering and pain that followed.”, Obi-Wan swallowed, he could still feel the echoes of war, he wasn’t sure he’d ever forget what it sounded, what it felt like.

“How did you continue your education?”, Master Plo asked.

“I kept practicing my katas, and mediation. I also found Jedi philosophy a constant companion.”

“Yet you feel you are _not_ a Jedi.”, Mundi made a surprised sound.

”You do not have to be Jedi to serve the thrum of the Force that lives inside of you. It is what connects every living thing.”, the former padawan replied.   
  


  
The council looked interested in learning more of what had become of young Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“Wish do you to still become a Jedi knight?”, Yoda asked. 

”I-I am unsure. I need more time and information to make an informed decision.”, Obi-Wan announced.   
  


“With Qui-Gon and the Council further discussion is needed.”, Yoda humms.

””I understand, Master Yoda.”

”There is always a place for you, regardless of what path you decided. We will not abandon you again.”, Master Windu affirmed. 

”I thank you for your hospitality and medical care. But you do not owe me anything.”

”This order has been negligent in its treatment of you and your Master. We will get to the bottom of what happened, and put things right.”, Plo was not taking no for an answer.

“Understood.”, Obi-Wan swallowed thickly. He remained hesitant about being in the Temple.  
  


”Stay with your grandmaster Dooku, you will in the meantime. A room he has for you.”

“As you wish.”, Obi-Wan respectfully bowed.

Obi-Wan remained skeptical on their intent, but did not feel as if they were lying. He could listen to their heartbeats and found both their heartbeat as well as the Force reflecting sincerity. _It will be well_ , the Force whispered. Kenobi wasn’t so sure.

Obi-Wan swallowed thickly, the anxiety and uncertainty overwhelming. Sometimes he wondered if he actual saw things or if it was just his anxiety that gave him these bad feelings. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dooku and Obi-Wan bond over tea.

Obi-Wan sat outside the Council Chambers with his few belongings clutched against his chest. He had not expected to find welcome, having prepared himself for exile and punishment from the Council.

It feels a bittersweet feeling in his heart, unsure whether he can trust this newfound sense of care. It felt strange to be in the presence of his grandmaster, a man whom Obi-Wan did not know well.

Dooku and Qui-Gon had not gotten along well, Jinn felt his master was too strict and proper for his liking. Obi-Wan thinks he might have liked knowing Dooku during the rocky moments of his early apprenticeship. 

"Obi-Wan?", a rich, regal voice called to his left, Obi-Wan located the man through his steady, Force presence. 

"Hello there."

"I am Yan Dooku, your Grandmaster. It is nice to finally meet you, Obi-Wan."

"And you as well, sir."

"Grandmaster or Master Dooku is just fine.", the man offered, "Best we get you settled, a long day you have ahead of yourself tomorrow."

Obi-Wan clambered onto his feet, unsure of which direction they were headed. He listened for the clicks of Dooku's shoes against the floor as his guide, gently wavering his cane in front of him listening carefully.

He mentally mapped the space they moved through. Their walk to Dooku's quarters was quiet, Obi-Wan found he did not mind it. He gently searched his Gra ndmaster's intentions by listening to his heartbeat, finding nothing but sincere concern in the force. 

"These are my quarters.", Dooku gives him the grand tour, helping him to locate the refresher, kitchen table, and his way around the furniture.

He shows Obi-Wan to his room, the sixteen year old isn't sure what to make of the man yet. 

"Thank you, Master Dooku for allowing me to stay with you."

"You are linage, and quite frankly, I should've stepped in earlier. It appears Master's meddling, and Qui-Gon's bullheadedness have caused you sorrow." 

Obi-Wan offers a quite nod, he notices by feeling before him several pairs of clothes, a cloak, temple shoes, a data pad, a sheet with raised dots, pencils, and a sketch pad.

On top, he is most surprised to find the beloved river rock Qui-Gon gave him for his thirteen birthday.

"Where did you find my river rock?, Obi-Wan's voice betrayed him, revealing emotion and vulnerability. 

"From what I understand, it is important to you. I wanted you to feel comfort in this time of adjustment.", Dooku cleared his throat. 

"Thank you, Grandmaster." 

  
"It is my honor, grand-padawan.", Dooku squeezes Obi-Wan's shoulder, "Here let's go over your schedule."

"Of course." 

"The datapad is set to read to you. Tomorrow, we will begin with shared meditation, breakfast, you have an appointment with your mind healer, and classes. Jocasta Nu offered to teach you braille, and we've located a screen reader for you. You may take classes with your age mates, and I as well as other Jedi Masters are more than willing to help you to catch up where your education has gaps.", Master Dooku announces. 

"That is quite considerate.", Obi-Wan makes himself small and unassuming. I

It makes Dooku's heart ache, this boy has awaken a deep need to care and nurture. For so long, Dooku had felt lonely and adrift. May this boy, and helping him can be a second chance to make right where he had failed his own padawan.

It had not been easy to watch Qui-Gon drift away and struggle after the loss of Xanatos. Dooku was much closer to Feemor, Qui-Gon's repudiation of his first padawan had been quite painful for the grandmaster and eldest grandpadawan alike. 

  
"Please make yourself at home here. Rest, unpack, we will take tea together this afternoon."

"I look forward to it, grandmaster."

"If at any time, you find the proposed schedule overwhelming or exhausting, please let me know. I felt you might find comfort in a routine and sense of normalcy."

"Yes, grandmaster." 

  
Obi-Wan shudders as he feels the sadness and regret his grandmaster releases into the Force. He basks in the feeling of being alone for once, people had been in and out of his hospital room. Obi-Wan is unsure whether he should unpack his belongings, afraid of finding comfort only to be unwanted or exiled again.

He decides to put away the items on his bed, only using one of the drawers in his dresser. His grandmaster left him towels, and toiletries for him. Despite the achy, burning question on his lips, Obi-Wan was afraid to ask of his closest childhood friends, or of his former Master and Master Talh. 

Instead, Obi-Wan curls into a ball, and lies on the bed. He does not cry, there are no more tears to weep. Kenobi has given of himself until there is nothing left, and for what? 

An utter failure, perhaps Qui-Gon was right, he will amount to nothing. The Jedi are making a mistake by allowing him to return. He will never be a Jedi Knight, it must not be the will of the Force. Why else would he have faced barrier after barrier? 

* * *

When the bell chimes around four pm, Obi-Wan feeling more settled leaves his staff in his room, and in his bare feet finds his away to the table. He does not like wearing socks or shoes when he does not have to it.

It impedes his ability to read and map space around him, feeling his feet grounded against the Force vibrating beneath his feet. He finds Dooku is already at the table, no longer in his robes, but a sweater and sleep trousers. 

The apartment is warm, filled with warmth and the smell of tea. Dooku smiles, and encourages Obi-Wan to select a tea. He shows him where he keeps it, Obi-Wan settles on a spicy chi Alderaanian blend.

Dooku makes a pleased sound of pride, "Good choice, you have taste, padawan-mine." 

Dooku shows Obi-Wan around the kitchen, he has no doubt the teenage is quite capable to learning his away around the space. It appears Obi-Wan has been blind for some time now, he moves with ease, even in this new space. 

"I've always enjoyed tea."  
  


"You certainly belong to my linage.", Dooku chuckled. 

Obi-Wan and Dooku sit together at the table, each holding a cup tea between their fingers. A comfortable silence pools between them as the pair enjoys their tea, and the plate of biscuits Dooku sat out for them. Dooku finds Obi-Wan has quite the sweet tooth.

Kenobi tried to enjoy every bit, treasuring the experience, and swallowed the guilt that rose up. Why should he enjoy such luxuries when the younglings he led to their deaths would never again? The comfort of a grandparent, safety, a warm bed, a full stomach.

He frowns, and Dooku notices, he simply asks, "A credit for your thoughts, young one?"

"I don't deserve this.", Obi-Wan murmurs.

"Oh, lad.", Dooku wraps the young man in a hug. He is surprised by the sob that breaks through Obi-Wan's lips. They just hold each other, Dooku again, finds his own drive to perfection and discipline in his grand Padawan. 

Damn the sins of the Master, he knows he failed Qui-Gon, being too rigid and strict. Now Qui-Gon's own stubbornness has hurt yet again another child of the Force. This is becoming a pattern that Dooku is not comfort seeing emerge, Force knows Qui-Gon needs to be held accountable and actually get some help of his own.

Master Yoda and the other were currently in the chambers deciding what to do with the former master and apprentice pair. 

"Sorry, I got your sweater wet.", Obi-Wan hiccupped. 

"It is no problem. I will dry." Dooku murmurs kindly, "Obi-Wan, child, I promise you will always have a place here no matter what you decide."

"I am not worthy of being a Jedi.", Obi-Wan sniffles. 

  
  
"What makes you say that?" 

  
"I was angry, passionate, and disobeyed orders. I took lives. I wasn't good enough to stop the conflict between the Young and the Elders." 

"What did you learn from this experience?" 

Obi-Wan breathes out a shaky air, "I picked up my staff and dedicated myself to a life of non-violence. Never again will I raise my weapon, unless it is the last resort."

"What do the Jedi teach you about your lightsaber?"

  
"To draw your weapon is to have failed. We should always strive to use our words, before we draw our 'saber." 

"I think you have earned the right to have this returned to you.", Dooku places Obi-Wan a familiar hilt. 

"Oh, I couldn't.", Obi-Wan's hand shook unsure as he accepted the saber. 

Feeling the warmth of the kyber crystal come alive in his hand made him shudder, it felt like coming home, calling to him to pick it back up. 

"I trust you to make the decision that is right for you. In the meantime, we have work to do, and I would like to see you pick your saber up again."

"Oh, Grandmaster.", Ob-Wan swallows. 

"I want to see you move with your staff. I've got some ideas for your training. I'm sure your fighting style has evolved since your accident."

"I'd be able to demonstrate." 

"You will be a better Jedi than the rest of us, Obi-Wan."

  
For the first time in years, Obi-Wan feels the Force warm his chest with an affection, a feeling of care. A thread of hope, light is born as Dooku and Obi-Wan bond, being so far away from the other Jedi had been lonely.

He had kept his shields pulled tight, sealing himself away from his bonds. As a result, the bonds he once held with his friends, and temple elders, quieted but now are buzzing with a warmth and light. He is not alone, he has been missed, people are concerned and care for him.

Obi-Wan does not know what to do with this discovery. There is so much he still is not sure about. But Obi-Wan thinks he might have found a friend in his grandmaster, Dooku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHH, I love me some grandfatherly Dooku. *shouts*


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan's first official day back at the Temple is a little overwhelming.

Obi-Wan found his sleep as always remained plagued by nightmares of war if not visions. Sleep is elusive, unattainable even under the best of circumstances. He tosses and turns most of the night fighting it difficult to sleep on the soft, bed in Dooku's guest room. He finds a meditation mat, gathering his pillow and blanket, he decides to sleep on the floor instead.

It is way too quiet in the Temple at night, and Obi-Wan's body is far too used to sleeping in an active combat zone. Nor is it easy to feel tired, to wind down, sleep had come easier on Melida/Daan. 

"Hey, everything alright?", Dooku asks through the door. He can feel Obi-Wan's anxiety, dread, upset in the Force. Force, how did Qui-Gon ever think lettting the boy deal with his nightmares on his own wise? 

"I'm fine." , Obi-Wan attempts to tighten his shields, not wanting to be burdensome and obtrusive 

"I can't sleep."

"Would you like to learn a new form of mediation?"

"Please."

The grandmaster and padawan duo each settle on their meditation cushions. They are both clad in sleep trousers and and bear feet. The pair breath deeply until the Force flows warmly between them.

Dooku demonstrates the series of receptive, personal movements of the Alchaka practice. With practiced mastery, he can hold his body upright using the Force and his core muscles with one hand. Obi-Wan finds he enjoys how tired it makes him, enjoying the rigorous excise required of the practice.

"It may take you years to master, however, it is worth the peace and connectivity it brings back to your body within the Force."

By the time the pair finishes, they are both exhausted and ready to collapse. Dooku ends up with his grandpadawan tucked against his chest as they slept. For the first time in a long time, Obi-Wan is too tired to doing anything else but sleep. Per Dooku's timetable, Obi-Wan manages to sleep well for few hours before rousing himself. He finds the bed empty yet a blanket caring draped over him. 

The sixteen year old showers, enjoying the feeling of the warm water on his sore muscles. He dresses himself in the earth tone clothes, soft sweater, and Temple shoes. Dooku has prepared breakfast, they eat in comfortable silence. Dooku and Obi-Wan do the dishes together before beginning their day.

Obi-Wan attends his first session with the Mind healer and is prescribes both a sleep aid as well as an anti-anxiety medication. It feels strange to finally have a formal diagnosis, Complex posttraumatic stress disorder. 

* * *

Obi-Wan steps foot into his first class of the day, Intergalaxic History I. It's the first time he has stepped food into a classroom in three years. He feels out of place among his agemates, they whisper about him, " _Have you heard Obi-Wan Kenobi has returned?" "Didn't his master repudiate him?" "Why do you think the Jedi Council allowed his return?" "I hear Obi-wan has killed people." "Something about his force presence seems off, maybe his former Master was right. "Is he dark like his Padawan brother?"_ Obi-wan tries to not allow their words to bother him, great, he feels even more out of place than he did the last he was in the creche. 

Obi-Wan feels deeply uncomfortable knowing people are staring at him as he navigates the hallway with his note taker and cane. He feels sick, a deep sense of dread as he moves through the classroom. _"You can't sit here." "Go away, you weirdo." "You aren't welcome here, Kenobi." "Seat taken." "Move."_ Part of him wants to run away and never look back, but Obi-Wan remains firmly in place.

"Obi?", a familiar voice sounds surprised to see him. 

Force, Obi-Wan's eyes water, he is suddenly thankful for the dark glasses that obscure part of his face.

"Bant?", Obi-Wan's hand cups the Mon Calamari's face. 

"I missed you so much!", Bant hugs Obi-Wan tightly. 

"Oh, I missed you too."

"Come sit with us. Garen, Quin and Reeft are in this class as well." 

"Oh, thank the Force." 

Obi-Wan happily takes a seat along his friends, Garen, Reeft, and Quinlan are thrilled to see Obi-Wan. His creche mates are dearly missed their friend, and worried for him, fearing as many did that Obi-Wan had died. The day is suddenly not as bad, now that Kenobi is not alone.

When the bell rings, Obi-Wan is glad to be dismissed to lunch. He follows his friends. Obi-Wan’s senses as overwhelmed, tingly and tapped by being around so many people. 

They stand in line making small talk, Bant notes this Obi-Wan is quiet, more reserved, guarded. He isn’t a carefree, happy go lucky person anymore.   
  


“Oh, hey, it’s Oafy-Wan.”

”Real original, Chun.”, Obi-Wan rolled his eyes behind his glasses.

As Obi-Wan gets his tray, Bruck decides to bump Kenobi and his tray collides with another padawan. His glasses fall off his face and break as they are stepped on by the other padawan.   
  


“Hey, asshole, kriff off.”, Quin growls as Reeft and Bant help Obi-Wan up.   
  
  


“Make me.”, Chun taunts.   
  


Obi-Wan makes a pained sound as his eyes are exposed to the light, he quickly shuts them. He listens as a silence falls over the refectory, the extensive scaring around his eyes on display for everyone to see. A hush falls across the room as they see Obi-Wan’s face.   
  


Garen puts a hand on Qui’s shoulder, “He’s not worth it, Quin.”

”He hurt Obi.”

”Then come help Obi.”

”Nah, I’ve got to do this first.” Quin punches Chun in his nose hard, “Leave Kenobi.”

Chun runs off holding his bloodied nose in his hand, Garen rolls his eyes, “Nice going, Quin.”

Reeft holds the broken glasses in his hand, as Bant helped Obi-Wan into a sitting position.

”You okay, Obes?”, Quin asked.   
  


“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t fight my battles for me.”, Obi-Wan growled.

”Chun is a jerk. Someone has to put him in his place.”

”Violence is not the Jedi way.”, Obi-Wan’s lips are drawn taunt in a thin line. 

Quin rolled his eyes, “Whatever wise _Master_ Kenobi.”

  
  


“Just shut up, Quin.”, Garen barked at him, look at Obi-Wan’s face. 

Obi-Wan lays his head down. He doesn’t look so good, pale, sweaty, overwhelmed. The refectory’s constant noise and movement is overstimulating.   
  


“Nobi doesn’t look so great. Let’s get him out of here.”, Bant quietly murmured to her friends.   
  


“He always liked the Room of a Thousand Fountains.”, Reeft suggested, as Bant and Reeft supported either side of Obi-Wan. His broken glasses tucked into Bant’s pocket. 

Obi-Wan has withdrawn within himself, quiet and taking shallow breaths. His friends are worried about it. They find a comfortable spot in the grass, and lay Obi-Wan on his back.   
  


Reeft and Garen murmur quiet concern to Bant. She pulls a flash of water and cloth putting it on Obi-Wan’s forehead and eyes trying to cool him.

He makes pleased sound in the back of his throat. Obi-Wan’s tense, taunt as a live wire body relaxes finally. Kenobi quietly, comes back to an awareness of his body.   
  


“Thank you. All of you.”, Obi-Wan says quietly.  
  


His age mates aren’t sure what to make of their friend’s new quiet, reserved presence. Gone is the boy who used to laugh, happy to lucky, and witty. 

This Obi-Wan is hardened, cautious, reserved as if calculating every possible outcome. Nevertheless this is their Obi, they aren’t going anywhere.   
  


“That’s what friends are for.”, Garen smiled softly.   
  


“ _Friends_.”, Obi-Wan makes a choked sounds. A sense of anxiety sparked through him, _They will leave me. I will be all alone._ He didn’t realize he projected that thought until seeing his friends’ faces.

”Obi-Wan, what happened to you?”, Quin asks.  
  


He remembers Cerasi dying in his arms, all the other friends he lost. Nield‘s betrayal, his expulsion from the Young’s leadership after advocating peace rather than revenge. Friends are dangerous things to have.   
  


With a sadness on his face, Obi-Wan smiled, “Everyone leaves me. It is the way it is.” Obi-Wan has seen the visions old Ben Kenobi alone in the desert, younglings dying, a voice screaming _I hate you,_ The Last Jedi.

Obi-Wan stands on shaky legs, Bant protests but does not stop him. The others watch cautiously as they exchange words.   
  


“Obi, maybe, we should comm someone to take you home.”

”We cannot change our destiny, Bant.”  
  
  


”At least for now, you have us and are not alone.”, Reeft rebutted.   
  


“Please give my apologies to Master Windu. I do not have it within me to attend our next class.”, Obi-Wan spoke. 

”Sure. Take care of yourself, Obi-Wan.”

Kenobi takes his leave back to Dooku’s apartment. Obi-Wan feels the Force creep into his body until he feels overwhelmed. _Infinite sadness_ the Force whispers.

He sinks into the Force letting it overwhelm him until Kenobi can see the galaxy in his mind, the fragments of visions dance in his head. It feels like a supernova in his chest. Exhausted and drained, Obi-Wan falls asleep on the couch.


	4. Chapter 4

Within a few weeks of adjusting into his routine, Obi-Wan felt more settled into his life with Master Dooku, professors and age mates. Obi-Wan heard the Council decided to put Jinn on probation, temple bound, and mandated to see a Mind Healer. No decision had been made regarding Obi-Wan’s apprenticeship. They wished to give Obi-Wan time to acclimate and consider his path. There were certainly no shortage of Masters willing to teach Obi-Wan in Qui-Gon’s stead if he desired a change in Masters. Should Obi-Wan wish to continue discerning Knighthood, they had made preparations. The Order would support him regardless of his decision.   
  
  


The late afternoons after school were Obi-Wan’s favorite time. He liked feeling the sturdy mat below his feet, the Force following like a conduit through his body, light saber in his hand.   
Dooku watched him move through a set of katas. He noted Kenobi to be bright, adaptive, resilient. The young Mann’s fighting had evolved during his time away as he incorporated guerrilla strategies and his long staff into the way he moved.   
  


Obi-Wan’s Ataru aerials were as tight and precise as ever. Dooku noted how Obi-Wan adapted his fighting. He certainly would benefit from learning : Shien & Djem So, and Makashi katas. But watching Obi-Wan move, he knew Soresu, might be the best form for the young man. Obi-Wan by nature had become more careful, offensive with his fighting. He listened to his opponent’s body, striking when he saw an opening, weakness. Dooku was filled with pride, how could anyone not find joy teaching this young man?   
  


Obi-Wan panted tiredly, accepting the bottle of water Dooku offered.   
  


“I think we should pursue Soresu as your primary form.” , Dooku announced.

”Whatever you think is best, Grandmaster.”

”Come, there is someone I want you to spar with.”

Obi-Wan nods, following his grandmaster as they walked together. He recognized her honey-warm kind presence in the Force.

“Master Tahl.”

”Hello, Obi-Wan.”

He is swept up in warm, loving embrace, it felt like coming home. Obi-Wan sniffled, “Oh, Tahl, I’m so sorry for what happened on Melida/Dann.”

His guilt and remorse bled heavily into the Force. Tahl shushed him, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

”Had I listened to Qui-Gon, you may have kept your sight!”

”Obi-Wan, my accident is no one’s fault.”, she rocked him back and forth. The kind Jedi Master would not accept his apology.   
  


  
They let the bond between them rekindle, filling Obi-Wan with a vibrant warmth and care.   
  
  


“I missed you, Master.”

”And I you, padawan.” Sometimes Tahl thinks about what would’ve happened had she taken Kenobi as her padawan.

Master Yoda had insisted on a Jinn/Kenobi partnership, even deceiving the lad into thinking no one else would chose him. The other Masters did not wish to fight Master Yoda is all.

”Let’s begin.”, Tahl wants to feel Obi-Wan fight with his staff. She smiles, letting the Force telegraph where where and how he is standing.   
  


Obi-Wan no longer moved with the wide open, acrobatically flourishes of Ataru. He kept a tighter, controlled, circle almost like a shield. The target radius for making contact now shortened for his opponent. Tahl notices the way he listens with his whole body, the Unifying force flowing within him. Obi-Wan waits and listens to his opponent’s movements in the Force anticipating how they move. It’s quite brilliant.   
  
  


She is one of the most talented dualist within the order. Tahl like Qui-Gon is partial to Ataru. However, Obi-Wan has found a fighting style of his own, borne of war and blindness. She finds an opening and perrys, Obi-Wan meets her blade for blade. He holds his offensive position and pushes her forward. They move together, blow for blow. Obi-Wan only strikes when he identifies a weakness, her left side is not as strong and he gently taps her side. 

Tahl smiles, “I like the way you fight, kiddo.”

”Thanks.”

Obi-Wan knows he could not stand against her if this had been an actual dual. He has seen Tahl fight in battle and in the classroom. This was just an evaluation, Kenobi knew she didn’t push her usual strength into each movement. Masters do not typical do when sparing padawans while teaching. Nevertheless, it felt good to fight with Tahl again. He had missed her something fiercely. Dooku and Talh treated Obi-Wan to ice cream at Dex’s for working as hard as he does.

“Your blindness will not keep you from being one of the Temple’s best dualists someday.”, Master Dooku placed a hand on Obi-Wan shoulder squeezing gently with affection. 

* * *

Master Tahl invited Obi-Wan over for tea one afternoon. Bant had confided in her Master she worried for Obi-Wan. No longer would anyone in the Temple turn a blind eye to Obi-Wan’s horrific maltreatment by his Master. They talked for a while about Obi-Wan’s classes. It had not been to keep up with his classes and extra tutoring sessions. Yet Kenobi, always the over achiever strove for perfection. He worked hard to achieve the standards placed before him.   
  


“H-how is Master Qui-Gon?”, Obi-Wan asked in a quiet voice.   
  


“Distraught, withdrawn, but getting the help he needs. The task of helping Qui with his grief never should’ve been a task placed on the shoulders of a padawan.”, Tahl runs her fingers through his hair.

Feeling his upset, Tahl takes in his familiar Force presence and hugs him. She basks in the feeling of his warmth pressed against hers. This is her beloved child, she has missed him, fearing never seeing Obi-Wan again.   
  


“Part of me wants to seek him out, however, I am afraid, Tahl.”

The unspoken words hang between them, _What if he hurts me again?_ Obi-Wan isn’t sure he can tolerate being rejected yet again.   
  
  


Tahl does not dismiss the hurt Jinn had caused, nor gives Obi-Wan false hope, “Only you can decide, baby, whether you want him to be apart of your life.”

”I assume you are still together.”, Obi-Wan swallowed, knowing his Master’ attachment to Tahl played a role in what happened.   
  


“Yes, Ben, we are. I however, have asked for space. You and Bant are my children, I will not stand for how Qui-Gon has treated you.” 

  
Obi-Wan makes a sad sound, hugging her tighter again, “Oh, Tahl.”

“Whatever path, you chose young one, I want you to be happy, health and safe.”

”It feels like every step of my apprenticeship has been met by challenge after challenge.”, Obi-Wan sighed.

”What do you want to do with your life, Ben?”

”I want to help people.”

”There are lots of ways of helping people, Jedi or not.”

  
  


”There is an image, I see over and over again in my mind”, Obi-Wan said quietly.

”Yes?”   
  


“I see Qui-Gon and I, older than we are now, laughter, joy, companionship. He is braiding my hair, Tahl. He looks at me with pride and I like he is my whole world.”

”What does the Force tell you?”

”That’s the thing, Tahl, it is a fragment, a possibility. The Force isn’t a magic eight ball.“  
  


“Ah, I see.” Tahl didn’t know if she felt relief or disappointment for the former Master and apprentice.

The Council firmly believed Obi-Wan was old enough to have a say in his future, there remained great uncertainty around if Obi-Wan would continue the journey towards knighthood and who his Master would be. 

Part of Tahl wanted to sweep Obi-Wan into her arms and run far away from her. Yet she knew his future was not hers to determine. _Patience, Master._ She reminded herself, _Obi-Wan is smart and capable.  
  
_

“Our actions determine reality.”, Obi-Wan decides. Obi-Wan pinches the bridge of his nose. Suddenly, he feels much older than just sixteen years old.   
  


“Don’t let Master Yoda hear that.”, she teased.   
  


“You aren’t wrong. I have no desire to engage in a theological dispute with YeYe.” (See Author's Note below)

”Oh, from what I recall you quite enjoyed arguments with your Master and Great-grandmaster.”

”Quite frankly, I think Qui-Gon’s understanding of the force is one sided, and Master is a stubborn as a Bantha. Ye Ye is just a meddling green troll.”

Tahl laughs, “I see the time you’ve spent with Dooku is rubbing off as well.

  
  
“Honestly had I know how much Dooku pisses Qui off, I would’ve befriended him earlier.”, Obi-Wan offers a mischievous grin. 

This is the Obi-Wan she remembers. He is different, yes more, skeptical and cautious. Yet still capable of humor and profound wisdom. His heart remains one moved to compassion and kindness, even though, he has been hurt countless times. It would not surprise her if Obi-Wan became a Councilor someday. If only, Obi-Wan saw himself as the rest of the masters saw him. They saw great potential in Obi-Wan’s life. There was a quiet murmur wondering if they’d lose a beautiful luminous soul thanks to Qui-Gon Jinn’s irresponsibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ye Ye is a nickname Obi-Wan uses for his great-grand Master, Yoda. It is the Mandarian Chinese word for one's paternal grandfather. Yoda and Obi-Wan were much closer prior before M/D happened, whereas, he didn't quite know Dooku. Have no fear, Dooku will eventually get a nickname too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan finally comes face to face with his former Master. A bonus update for 12/28. 😊

With Master Dooku called away for a Mission, Obi-Wan was staying with Master Tahl and Bant in the meantime. He did not mind their companionship, Bant helped him with homework and Tahl with his learning to read braille. It was quite the undertaking to make up for three missed years of formal education. It was hard work, Obi-Wan sometimes felt thankful for the distraction. It kept his mind off the terrible memories of war. Sometimes, he was afraid he would awake up and this would all be a dream. 

Obi-Wan would never forget the pain of hunger he had known. The uncertainty of whether it was safe to lay his down to sleep. The feeling of constant danger and needing to be alert. Patching up bloodied wounds, and using a blaster or bombs instead of his 'saber. He had held scared younglings as they died, and tried his best to use the Force to sustain himself, offering extra food, healing, whatever he could spare. His body and soul ached constantly with injuries, visible and not. 

There were nights he woke from nightmares he could not escape, and desperately tried to scrape the blood of his hands. Obi-Wan's hands were rough and sensitive after his latest attempt to wash the blood off. Master Dooku had found him, deeply concerned as he applied a bacta ointment and bandaged the teenager's hands. Obi-Wan had taken to more rigorous forms of mediation to try and quiet his mind.

He found the medication the mind healers prescribed made him feel fuzzy and zombified. Though, Obi-Wan is not entirely sure if its the medication or his traumatic brain injury. Master Che said it might be harder for Obi-Wan do things he might've once excelled at. Reading and memorizing information had one come very naturally to Obi-Wan. He once had a eidetic memory, and gift for speed reading. 

Now doing the simplest tasks felt like moving through a rushing current of moving water, everything requiring more and more effort. It took incredible effort just to sleep, make his bed, shower, dress himself, eat, and remember to make his medicine. There were days just living was his sole focus, when school, and light saber training were far too difficult. It was hard to know whether his TBI, therapy or his meds made his brain and body funky. Today, he just didn't feel up to moving about the Temple, and chose to remain at Tahl's apartment. 

Kenobi did feel the mind healing sessions were helping. He was finding his balance again, a grounded center he hadn’t felt in a long time. And he was beginning to realize Qui-Gon is the adult, he never should’ve been left behind on a war torn planet to begin with. It was a painful process to begin to challenge the hurt he carried, to realize he cannot be responsible for every possible thing that he went through during their apprenticeship. Qui-Gon is the adult, he is the child, no matter if Obi-Wan hasn't felt like a youngling in a long time.  
  


Obi-Wan sat practicing his Braille reader, a simple Jedi children’s book quietly basking in the warmth of the living room like an sleepy loth cat. Bant and Master Tahl occupied else where in the Temple. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to have unsupervised down time. Obi-Wan sixteen was quite capable of being alone. Besides, he didn't feel up to wondering about the Temple, it felt too loud and overwhelming to his sense.   
  
  
  
Obi-Wan listened to the door swish open, and a familiar voice called out, "Tahl?" Panic struck Obi-Wan as he realized who was entering the apartment, _Qui-Gon._ In the month and half or so, he had been at the Temple, Kenobi had yet to come across his Master. Whether, they intentionally sought to avoid one another or if other people kept them from each other, Obi-Wan did not know. 

Qui-Gon froze at the sight of his former apprentice, they both are hesitant, unsure, afraid? Jinn felt the calm, sleeply peace that once filled the space recoil. Obi-Wan threw his shields back up, it felt like encountering a cold, metallic barrier. Caught totally off guard, the former Master and apprentice stare at each other. It feels strange to face to face again, neither believed they'd see the other again after that awful day on Melida/Daan.

Closing his open, gaping mouth decisively, Qui-Gon finds his words again, and opens his mouth to speak, "I-I'm sorry. I was looking for Tahl." 

"Master Tahl and Bant stepped out. I'm sure they'll return soon.", Obi-Wan searches his brain fog, trying to remember where they told him they were going. 

He gets lost in his head, and has a diffcult time finding his way back. Qui-Gon makes a noise of concern for his former Padawan.

It is difficult to not sweep the boy into his arms, and tell him how very sorry he is. Qui-Gon recognizes he has lost the right to be Obi-Wan's caregiver, and offering affection may not be welcomed nor wanted.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"Ah, my brain is just foggy today." 

  
"I can come back another time.", Qui-Gon clears his throat. 

  
"Oh, that's not necessary. I'm sure they'll be back any moment now. Would you like a cup of tea?", Obi-Wan waves a hand, not wanting to be rude to their guest. 

"That would be nice."

Obi-Wan moves with comfort and ease, he knows Tahl's apartment like the back of his hand. He feels less on edge as Qui-Gon takes a seat at the kitchen table. It almost feels like the old days when they took a cup of tea together. 

It is a calm ritual for them both, helping to dislodge the awkward chasm between them. Obi-Wan takes his time preparing two cups of tea and a tray of biscuits. 

"Here you go, Mas-, I mean Qui-Gon.", Obi-Wan's cheeks burn with embarrassment. 

  
"Thank you, Obi-Wan." 

"It is my honor."

The silence pools between them as they both open their shields a little. Not quite as intimate as they once enjoyed, but comfortable, Obi-Wan isn't sure he can remember the last time his former Master let him feel his emotions pooled between them.

Qui-Gon, felt sad, anxious, remorse, there was a sense of sorrow that hung around him. Obi-Wan felt like a bomb afraid to go off, senses on high alert. The hesitant, uncertainty, longing and concern Obi bled in the Force made Qui-Gon's heart ache. It went unsaid, Obi-Wan has always had longing to be good enough for his Master. It is a wound, an ache, a hurt, that Qui-Gon knows he may never be able to heal. 

"The failings of our apprenticeship are not yours, but mine. It was unfair, Obi-Wan to expect you as a child to fix my own inner turmoil and trauma. I am truly sorry for the way in which I have treated you.", Qui-Gon bows his head in humility and awaits Obi-Wan's reaction. 

Obi-Wan listens to the thump of his Master's heart, and finds the truth there. Qui-Gon Jinn is being honest, both his heart beat and the Force confirms as well. 

It is a bittersweet truth, one Obi-Wan is still processing and trying to make sense of. The trust between them once fractured is now a fragile thing. It hurts them both to know their connection in the Force is dim, and pale. 

"I do not know if I can forgive you, Qui-Gon.", Obi-Wan sighed softly. It was honest.

"I understand."

"You were the person who was supposed to keep me safe, to guide me, teach me." Obi-Wan squeezes his eyes shut.

The tears falling down his face quietly. He is struck by the irony of the Melida/Dann conflict, the Elders fighting a war against their own children and grandchildren. The endless cycle of violence and hurt waged against the other, and for what?

Nothing but pain, and hurt, there was no good that arose out their decades long conflict. Yet here he is with his own conflict, one between a Master and apprentice. 

"I have failed you, Obi-Wan. I have not earned the right to be your Master, and I I understand if you decide to chose another master.", Qui-Gon's remorse hangs heavily between them.

They do not seek comfort from one another, they cannot. The hurt between is raw, exposed, visible, almost overwhelming, but honest. For the first time maybe ever, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon truly see each other for who they are. 

Two sides of the same coin, their past messily intertwined. While the future remained unknown, uncertain, the possibility of healing lingered. They didn't know if they'd heal together or apart. There were still so many questions swirling in Obi-Wan's brain. 

The door swishes open, Tahl quietly takes in the sight of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan at the kitchen table together. They do not move, even as Bant moves past them to go to her room, giving them privacy.

Tahl wipes away Obi-Wan's tears with her thumb, and kisses his forehead, "Why don't you go wash your face, baby?" 

"Yes, Master Tahl.", Obi-Wan sniffles. He gives her a soft sad smile, she ruffles his hair with affection.

Qui-Gon's heart aches with jealously, then a sense of relief, like Thank the Force, he might be okay _without_ me there to muck it up. 

Tahl crosses her arms protectively, her movements are deadly and protective. She has always been quite the Mother Bear to Obi-Wan and Bant, they are her children and she loves them. 

Qui-Gon knows, he's toast if he so much as moves or says the wrong thing. He has not doubt of that. Part of him is terrified, and the other part finds that insanely attractive. Kriff, Qui-Gon thinks, he should've commed her before just showing up.

He thought Obi-Wan was staying with Dooku, though, Jinn knew Tahl and Obi-Wan were close, even now. 

"What were you doing in my quarters with Obi-Wan?"

"We simply had a cup of tea."

"You both are upset. I left him balanced, content, and resting. Try again."

"We talked, Tahl, nothing more. I apologized, and we both were incredibly honest with each other." 

Tahl searched for the confirmation of the truth in the Force, and found it. She still didn't look please, though less likely to kill him at the moment, that could change.

"If I ever catch you so much as guilting him or trying to sway his decision, I swear I will kick your ass, Qui."

"I understand, and you'd be well within your right as a Master of this Order." 

Obi-Wan washes his face and sniffles, he recoils at hearing Tahl and Qui-Gon talk in raised voices. He knocks at Bant's door and she lets him in, wrapping him in a hug. She guides him to sit beside her on her bed, leaning into each other for comfort. 

It is uncomfortable for them both, for Qui-Gon and Tahl to be exchanging words. He remembers the closeness their families enjoyed, it had been a beacon of comfort during those early rocky days. Tahl, in many ways was a bridge between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, a person they both cared for deeply. 


	6. Chapter 6

Obi-Wan knew eventually he was going to have to make a decision. It was one he pondered with great seriousness, after all becoming a Jedi Knight is what he had always dreamed of.

It felt soul crushing for him to not have been chosen, send to the Bandomeer, and to nearly die before Qui-Gon chose him as his padawan.   
  


Every bit of ground won during his apprenticeship, was hard earned, it felt painful to to just walk away. The Force was confident he’d be an excellent Jedi knight.

Obi-Wan had arrived at a decision all on his own. He was to be a Jedi Knight. Kenobi wasn’t sure about what to do about a Master. Perhaps the Council has some wisdom.

Regarding Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan would offer a trial run to determine whether the man can be apart of his life. But he has conditions, he made a list on his data pad. 

  1. Qui-Gon must continue his therapy sessions.
  2. For the foreseeable future, Obi-Wan will be staying with Dooku. 
  3. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan would continue having regular checks in with the Council.   
  

  4. They will attend family dinners with Dooku and Yoda every Tuesday.



  
Obi-Wan laid on Bant’s bed as he did homework with Garen, Reeft, Bant and Quin. He had gone quiet again, not really thinking about homework and his closest friends knew it.   
  


“Obi-Wan? You still with us?”, Quin asked, afraid to spook Obi-Wan. He found out when he got punched in the face not to startle Kenobi.

Obi-Wan looked up from his list, and covered it with his hand, “Um, yeah, I’m listening.”

”You’re a crappy liar, Obi.”, Garen shook his head.   
  


“Hey, go easy on him. It’s been a weird week.”, Reeft elbowed Garen.   
  


“I swear you’re all feral. Ignore them, Obes.”, Bant gave him a soft smile.   
  


“The Council wants to meet with me.”, Obi-Wan blurted out.   
  


“Don’t you meet with them regularly?”, Reeft asked.   
  


  
“This is different, they want to talk about my future.”

“You’ve made a decision, haven’t you?”, Bant said softly.

”I-I have, to continue my apprenticeship as a candidate for knighthood.”

”What about Qui-Gon?”, Garen asked. 

I’ve created a set of conditions for his involvement in my life.”  
  


”You certainly aren’t thinking of asking him to be your master?!”, Quin exclaimed.   
  


“Well, I’d like to mediate and consider it more.”

”He hurt you badly, more than once.”, Reeft sounded concerned, although more tactful than Vos. 

”I don’t whether he is the right person to be my Master. It remains to be seen.”

”It sounds like you’ve given this careful consideration.”, Bant offers.   
  


Obi-Wan nods, shoving his data pad back into his knapsack. Feeling less overwhelmed and distracted, Kenobi is able to center on their group project instead. 

* * *

Obi-Wan prepared himself to go before the Council. Dooku sat with him as they waited their turn. His grandmaster had been nothing but kind and supportive.

“Kenobi.”, the messenger calls.

”Right behind you.”, Dooku squeezed his shoulder.   
  


Obi-Wan and Dooku respectful bow before the Council.   
  
  


“The Council recognizes Obi-Wan Kenobi before this body for our regular check in.”, Mace calls the meeting to session.   
  


“Thank you, Master.” 

“Have you come to a decision regarding your future, young Kenobi?”, Koon asks.   
  


“I am to peruse candidacy as a knight.”, Obi-Wan affirms.   
  


“Celebrate this news we do, Obi-Wan, bright in the Force you shine always.”, Yoda affirms.

“What would you like to happen regarding your Master, Obi-Wan?”, Depa asks.

Obi-Wan shuffles nervous from foot to foot, unable to stay still.

“I have conditions to consider renewing my relationship with Master Jinn.”, he said quietly. Obi-Wan avoided searching for Yoda and Dooku’s reactions.

”Why have you decide to give him a second chance, young one?”, Mundi asks.

“Regardless of whether he is the right person to be my Master, we must all name and acknowledge the hurt we cause each other.”

”Care for Qui-Gon, you still do.”, Yoda hums. 

“Yes, he _was_ my Master. It pained me to have our bond severed.”

”Wise and considerate you have grown despite your own pain.”

The Council deliberates Obi-Wan’s consideration, and conditions. There is much discussion before they finally arrive at an agreement.   
  


“Only on a trial basis to we grant Jinn and Kenobi an opportunity to renew their apprenticeship.”, Mace announced.

  
  


“We thank you for your wisdom.”, Dooku bowed.   
  


“Grant Master Dooku care and residential responsibilities we do while Master Jinn remains on probation. Supervision and visitation Jinn may have. A dyad Masters Dooku and Jinn will form for _Padawan_ Kenobi.”, they added.   
  


Dooku and Obi-Wan bow respectively as Windu dismisses them. Only once they leave the council chambers does Dooku speak.   
  


“Come, grandpadawan. We will plait you a braid.”

”Yes, Grandmaster.”

  
Obi-Wan finds comfort in Dooku’s quiet, sternness. His expectations are clear and drawn. He knows what his daily schedule and responsibilities are. It grounds him amidst the overwhelming process of adaption and recovery.   
  


Dooku prepared the items to plait a braid: beads, hair tie, and brush. Obi-Wan’s hair had been growing out the last few months.

With steady hands and Obi-Wan between his legs, Dooku delicately braids Obi-Wan’s mid length hair and plaits the padawan braid last.

”This braid is a reminder that we as Master and Padawan walk this journey together, the third strand the Force that unites us.” He adds the beads next, “A yellow bead for new beginnings, a red bead for your studies, and a blue bed for kindness shown to your former Master”

”Thank you, Master.”, Obi-Wan offered with his hands together gently.

”I admit it is unusual for a padawan to have two Masters, however I look forward to teaching you.”   
  


“It is a comfort for me to know, you will be supervising my education and care.” Obi-Wan agreed.   
  


“You honor me, young one.”, Dooku returns Obi-Wan’s gesture of respect.

They feel their strength bond flow between them. Obi-Wan feels both a sense of relief and nervousness, relief in knowing he would remain with Dooku, yet still anxious about renewing things with Qui-Gon. The Force’s instance about a Jinn/Kenobi partnership still scared Obi-Wan a little.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan's very bad day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Yes_it_Really_is_Feeney.
> 
> Author note: Obi-Wan calls Dooku Zu Fu, Chinese for paternal Grandfather.

Obi-Wan was already in a mood before his feet even hit the floor in the morning. Dooku usually didn't have to rouse the young man from bed. It concerned the older man, he did not believe Kenobi to be acting out. 

You see, Obi-Wan had always been an early riser, bound to a strict morning schedule of mediation, exercise, and prayer. It was not like him to still be in bed at this hour. Something must be wrong, when Dooku tried to reach their bond, he found Kenobi closed off from him. It was possible Obi-Wan was concealing visions, illness or headaches again. Kenobi never wanted attention. There were periods when he went days without eating, drinking or asking for help. Obi-Wan preferred to tend to his wounds and illnesses himself rather than bug the healers.  
  


“Obi-Wan?”, Dooku knocked.   
  


“Ugh, go away, Zu Fu.”

”Shower and have something to eat, you’ll feel better, padawan.”

Dooku hears the boy nosily shuffle out of bed, and gives him a wide berth when the door opens. Kenobi has a frown on his lips. His body language is loud, and clear: Kriff off. Having raised enough moody teenagers, Dooku didn’t say anything.   
  


“Sometimes, I wish I was still on Melinda/Dann. Everyone treats me like a youngling.”, Obi-Wan grumbled slamming the refresher door.   
  


Dooku remained concerned for his grand padawan. However, part of him felt incredible thankful to see Obi-Wan act like a normal teenager for once. Gods know, he has been forced to grow up so quickly. It is not worth upsetting his own peace, so Dooku elected not to respond. Instead, he prepared breakfast and joined his cup of tea. Obi-Wan joined him at the table once dressed and hair presentable if a little messy. 

"It is kind of you to grace us with your presence this morning, sunshine.", Dooku deadpans holding his cup in his hand. 

"You are enjoying this." 

"A bit. Eat up, your porridge will get cold." 

"Is it supposed to be smiling at me?", Obi-Wan asks looking at the smiling face of eggs and turkey bacon.

"I thought it might cheer you up." 

Obi-Wan shrugged, and ate the food quickly as he always did, not even really tasting it. It was a habit, one he still carried from three years of war. You didn't have time to eat not knowing if you'd be shot at any given second.

"Thanks."

"Listen to your teacher and no fighting, Obi-Wan, I mean it. Play nice with the other kids unless one of the other kids wanna fight, then you have the kick the other kid’s butt."

"What if I don't want to kick the other kid's butt?'"

"Give me a brave face." 

Obi-Wan weakly gave him a soft grr face.

"I'm trembling, Obi-Wan, really is that the best you can do?" 

"You are awfully cheerful this morning. You have a date with Jocasta Nu, don't you?", Obi-Wan finally pulled out of his funk for moment. It wasn't often Dooku was this soft and silly, his usual stern strictness did not work well for Kenobi if he was in a mood. The kid is such a good one, you rarely have to get onto Obi-Wan. So Dooku was taking a page out of Jinn's book, it appears to be working. 

"A gentlemen never kisses and tells." 

  
"Zu Fu, you can't tease me like that!"

They both giggle over breakfast tea. Dooku moves to shuffle Obi-Wan out of the door. He let Kenobi sleep in much later than he should have. Damn, Dooku is going soft, that's what being an old man with a grandchild does to a person. 

"Get a move on, you'll be late.", Dooku hands Obi-Wan his cloak and knapsack.

The Padawan pulls on his boots and accepts the items. The grandmaster takes a moment to press a kiss against Obi-Wan's forehead, and Obi-Wan gives him a soft smile. 

* * *

His nightmares, and morning session with his mind healer didn’t help his sour mood. Obi-Wan didn’t feel like dealing with his age mates once he arrived at his class.

  
Kenoi could hear his peers whisper about him as he moved through the halls. His shields were already tapped from concealing his nightmare from his grandmaster.

Everything felt took loud, too bright, overwhelming, Obi-Wan took a steadying breath and tried to wrap a ball of Force around him. Even his robes felt scratchy and uncomfortable on his skin.

He was tempted to put his hands on his ears, and curl against the wall. Already overwhelmed, Obi-Wan entered the classroom. His sensitive hearing aware of even the quietest of murmurs.

He took his seat and laid his head on the table. Obi-Wan tried to calm himself, taking deep breaths. He wasn’t expecting hearing Melida/Dann mentioned in passing in his Intergalactic History class. 

Every eye in the room was on Obi-Wan who stiffened and tried to make himself small. Quinlan touched his shoulder, “You okay?”

Obi-Wan sniffled and gave a nod. He was fighting hard to contain the overwhelming tsunami of emotions he carried. As the lecture continued, he was losing the ability to keep his strong shields together.   
  


He shuddered, closing his eyes thinking of the pain of hunger in his gut. Desperately trying to soothe dying younglings in his arms, singing them the same lullabies the Crèche master sang to him.

Of trying to negotiate peace, only for the Young to want to avenge their loss. They decided to continue their endless cycle of blood shed and warfare. Obi-Wan failed. _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._

Qui-Gon standing before him, “You are no longer my padawan. You are a disgrace to the Jedi teaching, Obi-Wan.” Kenobi cries as the bond they shared obliterated, white hot pain overwhelmed his entire body. He was alone, in pain, and bleeding into the Force watching as his former master disappeared in the ship. _Alone. Never enough. Failure. All my fault.  
  
_

Obi-Wan holding his friend in his arms as she died. Of being thrown by an exploding roadside device, and losing his vision. The pain in his head still hasn’t gone away _.  
  
_

He didn’t realize he had projected his feelings into the room. The padawans in the room made noises of upset and shock their age mate. Quin, Garen, Reeft and Bant in particular with affected by seeing their friend so vulnerable, hurting. 

  
Kenobi was hyperventilating, hands shaking and sobs broke lose from his lips. Sometime must have passed, Master Vokara Che arrived, as had Master Plo Koon.

They cleared the classroom, ushering padawan out. Obi-Wan hiccuped, crying still as he realized what must’ve happened. His classmates will never look at him the same way again.   
  
  


“Obi-Wan, can you look at me?”, Master Che asked.   
  


  
He sniffled, “M-master Che?”

“Breath with me.” Master Che modeled how to regulate his breathing and talked him through a ground exercise.

“S-sorry.”

”Shh, you have nothing to feel sorry for.”   
  


Obi-Wan clings to her, letting her rock him back and forth. He burrows his face in her soft robes, wrapping himself in her comforting presence. Once Kenobi is settled, Master Che’s team escorts him to the Halls of Healing.   
  


Master Vokara Che looks at Master Yoda, his ears turned upward listening. He looks very concerned for Padawan Kenobi .   
  


“Shame on you for ever insisting Jinn and Kenobi needed to be paired together.”, Master Che chided 

Master Yoda makes a sound of surprise, “Sorry am I, for what happened to Padawan Kenobi. Intervened we should have, much earlier.”

“Being sorry isn’t good enough, that young man may never recovery from the trauma of his first year of his apprenticeship.”

”How is he, padawan Kenobi?”

”In emotional distress, but stable at the moment. He needs rest, and care.”

Master Che watched the ancient Master with a pinched painful look on his face. He was sorrowful, and Master Che knew it was not enough. 


	8. Chapter 8

In the days following Obi-Wan’s episode in the classroom, he spent a few days in the Halls of Healing. Master Che noticed he was dehydrated and exhausted.

  
A few nights of sleep, warm meals, and IV fluids made a world of difference, Obi-Wan had times to rebuild his shields again. He wasn’t honest about caring for himself, which Master Che passed along to Kenobi’s mind healer.   
  


Obi-Wan slept for hours under the healers’ care. Dooku sat by the boy’s side, wanting to be sure he was not alone. The older man noticed the boy’s closest friends came by and inquired about his condition.   
  


Qui-Gon and Master Tahl sat in the waiting room. Jinn very much wanted to be at Obi-Wan side, but wished to respect the boy’s boundaries. Dooku feeling sore from sitting got up for a stretch while Master Yoda sat with Kenobi.   
  
  


“How is he?”, Jinn asked. Dooku despite their estrangement still could read his former Padawan. The guy was wearing himself out with worry.

Dooku stretched his legs and limbs as they talked, “Stubborn, exhausted, and a little embarrassed. Has Obi always been so hard on himself?”

  
Jinn looked ashamed, “He has always been a perfectionist. Though, I fear I made it worse with my impossible standards.”

“Apparently, Kenobi thinks he can sustain himself with the Force alone.”, Dooku looked like he had aged a decade.   
  


Qui-Gon made a sound of distress, Dooku was surprised by his own reaction. He sat beside his gentle giant of a former Padawan and hugged him as he sobbed.   
  


“Oh, Force.”

”Obi-Wan has quite recovery process ahead of him, and so do you.”

Qui-Gon sniffled, “Did you hear Feemor is in route from the Dantooine Temple? Master Yoda thinks Feemor can help Obi-Wan.”

”I haven’t seen Femmor since his repudiation.”, Dooku cleared his throat.

“Master, I do not know if I can fix the ways I have hurt my boys.”

”Do or do not. There is no try.”, Dooku reminds him.

Qui-Gon sighs, “Yes, Master.”

“Please, Qui, for the sake of Obi-Wan, Feemor, and yourself, please seek help. I am happy to offer what aid and kindness I can.”

”Thank you, Master. Please give Obi-Wan my best.”

”Of course.”

Dooku returns to Obi-Wan’s side, Master Yoda has been silent for days. It was no secret how his hurt and regret cried out in the Force. The entire temple felt it. Dooku did not seek to console his Master, but instead they sat together in silence thinking about this boy they loved deeply.

Obi-Wan had been a bridge between the fractured relationships of his linage. Dooku and Yoda, Jinn and Dooku, now Kenobi and Jinn. Dooku realize now with remorse what they have lost. Far too long they allowed their family to be enstranged and hurting. 

* * *

  
Obi-Wan found the extra attention of the healers and Masters exhausting. Even worse, he hated Master Che’s meal plan. He does not need to eat as much when there are others who go hungry.

There is a sense of guilt he has around food, clean water, and even the ability to bathe. They are things the Jedi take for granted. His age mates cannot begin to imagine the horrors of what he has seen and experienced.

Nor can Kenobi sneak away to the lower levels of the city with all the attention on him. He often gives to the poor and needy of Coruscant. Obi-Wan snuck whatever he could spare from the Temple to care for others. 

  
  
It was at least a relief to be released from the Halls. Obi-Wan found himself much more comfortable in his shared quarters with Dooku than the Halls. He feared however, Dooku and the Council could continue to watch him like a hawk. 

“Are you comfort?”, Dooku asked making sure Obi-Wan was warm and cozy as he sat on the couch reading.   
  


“Yes, Zu Fu.”

”Are you certain?”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, “I’ve got every pillow and blanket in this apartment on me.”

”I didn’t want you to be cold.”

”It’s too much. The food. Attention. Coddling. I cannot bare it.”, Kenobi cried.   
  


“Obi-Wan, we care about you is all.”

”Why should we know comfort when so much injustice and suffering is rampant in the galaxy?”

Dooku sits beside Obi-Wan, “Oh, child”, he tried to soothe him to be meet with resistance, “ It is our job as Jedi to help aid in the liberation of souls.”

”Then why don’t we do more?”

”We are only _one_ people, Obi-Wan. There many peoples waiting for aid, resources and help.”

  
  


”The Jedi are supposed to be guardians of peace and justice.”, Obi-Wan huffs. 

“I know you want to help others, but you cannot continue this self-flagellation. It is not healthy.”

“Sometimes I don’t think any of you understand me!” Kenobi snapped. He was tired of people walking around in egg shells.   
  
  


“Then help me understand.”

“I just want to help people, Zu Fu.”, Obi-Wan sighed.   
  


“I know, padawan. But you must first learn to take care of yourself.”

”It feels wrong.”

”Then we will work through this too. One day at a time, okay?”

”Okay.”

Dooku holds Obi-Wan against his chest, they both are exhausted and drained the difficulty of the last few days. Sleep quickly finds the pair as they rest in each other’s warm and safe embrace.   
  
  


It is scene of domesticity and softness that Master Yoda finds as he brings Obi-Wan’s favorite meal from Dex’s for dinner. He cannot remember the last time he saw Dooku this much of a softie, possibly when Qui-Gon had been young.   
  


  
“Joy this brings me, to see my linage together again.”, Master Yoda smiled at them. He definitely did take a holofilm of this scene as blackmail for later. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Flixswitch135 who mentioned the idea of Obi-Wan using a lightsaber pike. 
> 
> Obi-Wan meets his older padawan brother.

Master Yoda has been honest with Obi-Wan. The ancient one did not know how Kenobi would receive the confession as they sat together in the Room of A Thousand Fountains.

”Sorry am I. Other masters wished to take you as padawan. Dissuaded them I did, felt you and Jinn meant to be.”   
  
  


Obi-Wan can feel Yoda’s heart beat loudly in his chest, he is nervous and telling the truth.

Kenobi gives him a soft sad smile, “Why did you do it?” There is not judgment in his voice, only softness, seeking understand. 

They both know what Obi-Wan thinking. The pain of rejection in being send to the Bandomeer. Obi-Wan threatening to die to save an entire planet, a slave collar around his neck rigged to explode. The Melida/Dann conflict. Three years of suffering and violence. _Was it worth the ancient one’s insistence?_

It weighed heavily on Yoda and Obi-Wan. Master Yoda had tears in his eyes, ears flickered down in shame. Yet Obi-Wan met him with compassion, forgiveness, a kindness the ancient one knew he had not earned. 

_”_ Faith I had in Qui-Gon to find his way again, formidable team I foresaw you become.”

”You always told me there are no accidents, no coincidences.”, Obi-Wan countered, more confidence and wisdom in his voice than a sixteen year old padawan had any right to possess.

Yet it was not borne of arrogance, but knowledge, experience. Kenobi had grown wise. Master Yoda sometimes wondered if Kenobi has lived more than one life cycle. Were they friends _before_? For very long, Yoda has lived, Kenobi has always felt familiar, an old soul. 

”Foolish I have been, hurt you have by my misplaced certainty.”

”What if it meant to prepare me?”, Obi-Wan asks.   
  


“Visions you’ve been having?”, Yoda asked.

”No, more like _fragmentations_. I foresee a boy who is very powerful, Master, angry, unbalanced, needing guidance.”

”Be a reflection of yourself you read in the Force could it?”

”The circumstances are elusive, yet the Force whispers to me. This is preparing me for something, _someone_.”, 

“Always in motion the future is.”

  
  


Obi-Wan hummed in disagreed, it had always been a point of debate between Kenobi and Yoda, “Our actions determine reality, Ye Ye.”  
  


  
“Time for theological dispute we do not have today.”

”Another time perhaps.”

“Something on your mind you have.”

I am certain, Master, Qui-Gon is to be my master.”

”Could chose from many masters you could why Jinn?”   
  


“We disagree, Master. I cannot imagine learning from someone I agree with.”   
  


“Headache this gives me, why not Dooku or I be your Master?”

“It must be Qui-Gon.”

Obi-Wan suppressed a giggle as he sees the pinched look on Yoda’s face. He presumed the ancient One was having words with the Force. “Help me with this Disaster lineage of mine.”   
  


Both Obi-Wan and Yoda feel the Force pulsating almost teasingly as if to say _Just you wait_. Force, Yoda hasn’t given thought to the disaster padawan(s) Kenobi might raise someday. He is getting too old for this Sith Spit. 

* * *

Obi-Wan awaits Feemor’s arrival with Master Dooku on the tarmac. Kenobi always knew he had a padawan brother, yet did not _know_ him.   
  


Jinn’s second padawan, Xanatos fell to the dark side. Obi-Wan had always felt insecure about the comparisons made between them.   
  


To Jinn, he was never shone as bright or possessed as much talent as Xanatos. He had always been worried Obi-Wan’s anger, passion and righteous would led him to fall.

Yet Obi-Wan was never as selfish, arrogant or misguided as Xanatos. Despite his hot headedness and passion, Kenobi wanted to help others.

Jinn denounced not just Kenobi but Feemor as well, thinking himself incapable of raising a capable young person to knighthood.   
  
  


Feemor had taken to being a Temple guard in the Mid-Rim far far away from his former Master. Yet now he returned to help his younger brother and confront his own painful past.

The ship arrives as Obi-Wan fidgets his hands nervously. Before long Feemor deplanes, standing before Dooku and Kenobi.   
  


“You must be Obi-Wan.”, Feemor ruffles Kenobi‘s hair. 

“Welcome, Feemor.”, Obi-Wan smiled softly.   
  
  


Obi-Wan finds comfort in Feemor’s gentle, grounded Force signature. He feels like the feeling you get jump and splash in water puddles. They walk to Dooku’s apartment making idle conversation. 

“I hear you use a staff. Have you considered a lightsaber pike?”

”I hadn’t. That’s an interesting idea.”

”I use a pike myself. There is much I can teach you.”

”I’d like that.”

When they arrive at Dooku and Kenobi’s quarters, Feemor grows more serious. Seated in the living room, Feemor takes Kenobi by the hand.   
  


“You must promise me you’ll remember this.”

“Okay.”

”Nothing that happened to you is your fault, okay? It’s taken me a _long_ time to believe that myself.”, Feemor said.

Obi-Wan nodded, “Yes, Feemor.”

  
“I will be here as long as you need me, kiddo.”, Feemor offered.

”I appreciate it.”

“Well, why don’t we get some lunch?”, Feemor asked.

”Okay.”

Feemor and Obi-Wan walk to the refectory together. It’s the first time Kenobi has been in public Temple space since the incident.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure how much his age mates saw or felt when he had his incident in the classroom. Judging by the wide berth, and stares, he’s guessing they saw something.

“It doesn’t matter what they think.”, Feemor squeezed Obi’s shoulder.   
  


“They treat me like I don’t belong.”

”What does the Force tell you?”

”I am to be a Jedi Knight.”

”Then don’t listen to them.”

They collected their trays and walked over to an empty table. Obi-Wan noticed Garen, Reeft, Bant, and Quin approach.

”Can we sit with you?”, Bant asked.   
  


“Sure. Guys, this is Feemor, my padawan brother.”

They gave Feemor a few hi, hellos, nice to meet you.   
  


“You must be Obi’s friends.”, Feemor smiled.   
  


“That’s us.”, Garen hugged Obi-Wan.   
  


“How are you feeling, Nobi?”, Bant asked.   
  


“Tired, but in good spirits.”, he gave a sad smile.

”Did you really hold someone as they died?”, Quin asked.

“Oh, you could see my projections. Yes, Quin, she wasn’t the only person either. A lot of my friends died.”

“I’m sorry.”, Quinlan grimaced.   
  


The truth hangs between them in the Force. Obi-Wan’s age mates had seen some of the experiences and feelings of what he had been through. 

  
“We’re playing pai sho later if you want to join.”, Reeft offered.   
  


“Thank you for the offer.”

”Bant had something she wanted to tell us.”, Garen elbowed her.   
  


“I-I decided I want to be a healer.”, Bant whispered.   
  


“That’s great, Bant! Good for you.”, Obi-Wan smiled reaching out to her in the Force.   
  


“You really think so?”

”I know so. You’ll be an excellent healer, Bant.”

As Feemor watched a part of Obi-Wan open up and soften his rough edges, the knight thinks the kid might just be okay. He has a solid support system. Feemor had never known Dooku to be so grandfatherly, soft almost.

It seemed like something had changed in their linage for the better. He just hoped Masted Jinn could get his shit together for Obi-Wan’s sake.

The boy still absolutely adores the man, wanting his love and approval. Ugh, Feemor thinks they have a lot of work to do. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon’s first visitation puts Dooku and Obi-Wan on edge.

Dooku felt nervous for Obi-Wan, not sure if Qui-Gon would even show up, yet alone be kind. It hurt his heart to know Qui-Gon had always been a kind, loving, gentle soul. But his fear of rejection and loss obscured Jinn’s vision. In the time Obi-Wan spend with Dooku, they had grown closer than they had ever been before. It was a joy to be a grandfather, Dooku found, Obi-Wan was a wonderful young man: driven, emphatic, and bright. If Qui-Gon could not get his act together, Master Dooku would be more than happy to be Obi-Wan's master. He kept his concerns to himself, not wanting to cast dark over the fragile Kenobi-Jinn relationship. 

They agreed on Qui-Gon arriving at the late meal, and spend the afternoon with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan had been quite, more reserved at breakfast, Dooku noted, not wanting to get his hopes up. As the hour grew closer for Master Jinn's arrival, Obi-Wan grew more restless and anxious. He tried to distract himself reading quietly with his data pad, however, didn't have much success remaining focused. He eventually just slumped on the couch, and pulled on a loose string on his tunic. 

"He's not going to come is he?", Obi-Wan sighed. 

"I do not know, young one, Jinn has never been one to respect the boundaries of time and space."

"Whatever, I'll be in my room." 

Dooku watched the anticipation melt away from his shoulders, the boy had been excited to spend time with former Master. Despite the hurt, there was desire within Obi-Wan to earn Jinn's approval and affection. Yet he could not escape the shadows of Xanatos and Jinn's stubbornness, Obi-Wan's joy bled into ache. Force, sometimes, Dooku wants to throttle Jinn, scoop Obi-Wan up and go somewhere far far away.

"You should at least eat something.", Dooku called trying to keep lunch warm. 

"Not hungry, Zu Fu." 

"We've talked about this, Obi-Wan.", Dooku chided, stern but kind. 

"I feel like all I do is eat!" 

  
"You are malnourished and underweight. A boy your age has a calorie need to sustain your body's growth." 

"Ugh.", Obi-Wan turns up his music. Dooku bangs his head against the door, Force, he has raised enough teenagers. Again, part of him very grateful for Obi-Wan's teenage moodiness, a hard won sign of normalcy. Yet teenagers, even this one, have a way of getting under your skin and driving you mad. 

Half an hour minuets late, Jinn finally knocked at the door. His hair was more discshevlled than usual, sweat on his brow and out of breath. In his arms, he held a brown paper sack, and an apology on his lips. Dooku did not look amused, arms crossed, jaw set, disappointment in his eyes. The elder Master spoke in a low tone as he exchanged words with Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan sighed, he hated when the adults fought. 

"You are late!", Dooku seethed. 

  
"I-I was late trying to obtain Obi's favorite sweet.", Qui-Gon panted. 

"And you didn't think to comm?"

"I did." 

Dooku checks, Qui-Gon did in fact comm, with a deeply unimpressed and pinched look on his face, "I see you. You must apologize to Obi-Wan for your lateness, he is genuinely _upset._ " 

Qui-Gon clears his throat and knocks outside his padawan's door, "I am very sorry for being late, little one." 

"I-I thought you forgot about me again.", Obi-Wan sniffled, the door opens, Jinn finds a very tear eyed padawan and can feel his hurt in the Force. 

"I went to our favorite bakery to bring you some fudge."

Jinn is taken by surprise as his padawan borrows his face into his tunic, crying and clinging to the older man. Qui-Gon rubs gentle circles on his back, as he can feel Obi-Wan open his shields wider. Jinn does the same, letting the Force and their connection pool between them. It is a fragile connection, not like the brilliant, bright bond Kenobi shares with Yoda or the steady, health, expanding bone he has with Dooku. Theirs is dull and mute in comparison, bound by scar tissue and phantom ache. 

"You were running late?", Obi-Wan huffs. 

  
"I wanted to surprise you." 

"You _certainly_ did that." 

"What are you going to do with your silly master, huh?"

"Perhaps gift you a watch."

"Imp."

Once Obi-Wan feels calmer, more settled, they take a seat at the table, Dooku watching them like a hawk. Despite the lateness, Qui-Gon was pleasant, kind and even paternal towards Obi-Wan. It could be awkward, stilted at times, however, Jinn and Kenobi were working to establish something new between them. Jinn noted gone was the impulsive, passionate, angry boy he knew. War hardened Obi-Wan, he had grown up very quickly in an unkind world, far away from the safety and care of the Temple. Naturally, he grew more skeptical, reserved, serious. It made Jinn ache to know the hand he had in this boy's suffering. 

In order for them both to heal, Qui-Gon had to name and acknowledge the hurt he has caused. You see his own attachment and fear blinded him to the ways he mistreated Obi-Wan. Yet Obi-Wan had decided to give him a second chance, which was far kinder than Qui-Gon had been. Jinn knew now in his heart, this boy was a far better person, even a Jedi than he. There was much they could learn from each other. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan and Brother Jo-Hun Mulachy, his mind healer, have a big talk.
> 
>   
> If you’re familiar with M*A*S*H, I drew inspiration from Father Malachy who felt like the person Obi needed to talk to.
> 
> TW: Conversation around disordered eating

Obi-Wan’s mind healer was an man of 50 standard years old with rounded glasses, with an eclectic knowledge of religion, and passion for boxing. He wasn’t the sort of man you’d believe a cleric. You see Brother Malachy liked to drink scotch, had one hell of a right hook, and could beat you at sabbac with one hand behind his back. Though, he gave most of his winning to the orphanage run by the Jedi monastic order. 

Obi-Wan felt safe with Brother Malachy. The man was likable with a wicked sense of humor yet profoundly wise and non judgmental. He had a way of disarming you with his non threatening presence. Malachy was a certified therapist with a PHD in Counseling & Psychological in coordination with The Mind Healer's Wing at the Temple. Today, Malachy did not wear his brown cassock but a loose fitting tunic and trousers with a felt wide brimmed hat. Sometimes, they met in his office, other times in the private gardens of the monastery.   
  


“Hello, Obi-Wan.”

”Hi, Brother.”

They began every sessions with meditation. Malachy gauged Kenobi’s mental status in the Force. He seemed anxious but otherwise balanced, healthy, secure. It had taken them months to establish reassurance the Order nor his grandmaster would abandon him.   
  


“What are the things or people in your life that are causing problems for you right now?”

Obi-Wan doesn’t make eye contact, he is fiddling with his hands. Makachy knows this to be one of Obi-Wan’s nervous tells, which is why the young man tries to hide his hands in his robe.

”I-I hate this stupid meal plan Master Che has me on. It feels like all I do is eat.”

”How does it make you feel?”

“Overwhelmed. Eating food is hard for me.”

”Why, Obi-Wan?”

”There wasn’t enough food on Melida/Dann. I can remember my stomach aching with hunger, trying to fill my body with water to take the edge off.”

”Has your time on Melida/Dann changed your relationship with food?”

“It makes me angry. Why should anyone go hungry can’t the Jedi, the Republic, _someone_ do more?”

”Do you ever deny yourself food?”

Obi-Wan looks guilty, “Sometimes. I have the Force. It provides me all I need to live.”

”A growing body needs food to sustain itself.”

”I don’t feel _worthy_ of food.”

Brother Jo-Hun Mulachy leans forward in his chair, “Why do you feel that way, Obi-Wan?”

”I-I didn’t do enough, brother! Three. Years I fought on Melida/Dann. But I couldn’t save them, he sniffled.   
  


Obi-Wan refused to look at him, Brother Jo-Hun Mulachy can feel Obi-Wan’s doubt in the Force. _All my fault_. _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._

“What happened on Melida/Dann _to_ you, was not your fault. You are a child, Obi-Wan, you need adult supervision, safety and care.”

  
“The Force spoke to me! I listened. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?”

“That is a good question. Whenever we learn the Force, speak we must carefully discern our response.”

“I _did_ listen.”, Obi-Wan sighed. 

“Infinite numbers of systems and people need our help, Obi-Wan.”   
  


  
“That’s what Zu Fu said.”, Obi-Wan looks disheartened now.   
  


“I certainly wish we could help everyone. But you cannot save someone who does not wish to be saved.”

”So I’m learning.” Obi-Wan looks more weary and unamused more than a sixteen year old padawan has any reason to look. He has always been an old soul.   
  


”May you not forget your zeal for justice, Obi-Wan compassion is an excellent characteristic of a Jedi.”

”Sometimes I think I’d be better off becoming a Cleric candidate.” Obi-Wan sighed.   
  


The cleric looks very amused, “Perhaps. What does the Force tell you?”

”I am to be a Jedi knight.” 

Brother Jo-Hun Mulachy gave him a soft smile, “You’d be a good cleric of that I have no doubt. I am not the only one who thinks there is a reason you are called to protect and defend the galaxy.”

  
“Ugh, you sound like Ye Ye.”

Your great grand-Master is very wise.”

”I don’t disagree. However, we do not agree on everything!”

“I’ve heard of the theological disputes you have.”

”Are you sure I shouldn’t apply for seminary?”

Mulachy laughs, “It’s been heavily debated among the Council what you should pursue as a focus.”

“Plo thinks I should focus on diplomacy and intergalactic relations.”, Obi-Wan crinkles his nose.   
  


“Perhaps. You and Master Jinn are often called on diplomatic missions.”

”Ugh, diplomacy. I failed on Melida/Dann, me a great negotiator really?”

”You are only sixteen, Ben. There is much you still have to learn. Failure is our best teacher.”

As part of Obi-Wan’s treatment plan, the cleric and padawan venture into the gardens. Eating in group settings often encouraged Obi to eat. Master Che enrolled him in a program to ensure he got enough calories and continued towards a healthy weight

”Let’s make a meal together, Obi-Wan.”

”Okay.”

They work to puck the ripe vegetables. Obi-Wan enjoys feeling the soil beneath his finger tips, the sweat on his brown. It feels _good_. Once they’ve gathered their stew ingredients, the pair enters the monastery kitchen.   
  


The cleric and Obi-Wan wash their vegetables then chop the soup ingredients. There is something about the process Obi-Wan finds peace in adding the tofu, and seasonings. The kitchen is filled with a rich, mouth watering scent.   
  


They talk together about Obi-Wan’s assignments for the week: his rosary practice, meditation, taking his medicine and following Master Che’s meal plan.   
  


Once the soup has cooked, Brother Mulachy and Obi-Wan serve a meal to the staff. Something in Obi-Wan’s soul finds peace here, listening to vibrations of song and chants echoing off the stones.

He closes his eyes and can almost hear the thousands of years of Jedi clerics in this space. It feels holy, reverent, calming. Obi-Wan even as a child felt drawn to the monks and nuns of the Jedi Order.   
  


He enjoys the soup, laughing, making conversation, and dipping his bread into the bowl. He finds it much easier to eat and remember to eat when in communal spaces.Obi-Wan does not waste anything, you eat what is before you.

That is not just something he learned on Melida/Dann, but Jedi practice as well. You only put on your plate what you will eat, nothing is thrown away.   
  


“How do you feel now?”, Brother Malachy asks as they wash dishes together.   
  


“I feel _satisfied.”_

”I want you to remember this feeling Obi-Wan, okay?”

Obi-Wan nods. They enjoy the quiet between them. The pair washes and dried the wooden bowls. Once they’ve finished Brother Malachy walks Obi-Wan to the front of the chapel where Master Dooku waits for him.   
  
  


He smiles softly as Obi-Wan’s whole body lights up. Yah Dooku and Obi-Wan Kenobi are good for each other. The smile on Brother Malachy’s lips falter as he received a fragmentation, Obi-Wan much older fighting a unbalanced troubled young man, “ _You were supposed to defeat the Sith, not join them!”_

The cleric felt concerned, what is the Force calling Obi-Wan to? He made a note to speak with Master Yoda in confidence about what he saw. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Disaster Linage family dinner goes about as well as you expect.

Well, the first family dinner went about as well as one could expect with this bunch. Master Yoda allowed Kenobi to use this kitchen, and well, he burned the casserole. The ancient one’s entire kitchen engulfed in flames.

”Smell something burning I do.” The ancient one hummed exiting his meditation mat.  
  


Obi-Wan panicked, trying to put the fire out, the fire continued to spread. “Oh, no!”

”Very bad this is.”, Yoda watched as Feemor and Obi-Wan struggle. The knight finally pulls out the fire extinguisher. He smothers the few singed places on Kenobi’s robes with his cloak.

”I guess dinner is a no go.”, Feemor decided.   
  


“I-I’m so sorry, Ye Ye. Forgive me.”, Obi-Wan sniffles.   
  


“Accident it was. Remember this I will when you become Councilor, _forgive_ I do. Forget I will _not_.”, Yoda gives him a shit eating grin.   
  
  


Dooku pokes his head in, thinking, “Glad I’m not that padawan’s master. Oh shit. I am. That’s my padawan.” He internally panics, remaining outwardly calm as the elder Jedi looks the boy 

Obi-Wan is nearly ready to burst into tears at this point. Jinn arrived, seeing the mess unfolding, “I think a trip to Dex’s is in order.”

”I-I was supposed to prepare us a wonderful dinner.”, the tears welled up in Kenobi’s eyes.

”Kiddo, you spared us from Ye Ye’s chocolate cricket pudding. Honestly, you did us a favor.”, Feemor soothes.   
  


“Slanderous this is. Will not stand for it from my grandsons.”

Qui-Gon’s lips quirk, “He isn’t wrong. It’s not exactly _delightful_.”

Kenobi decisively burrows into the face of Qui-Gon’s tunic, “I failed, Master.” He had a tendency to tactically seek comfort from his Master, a need for reassurance. 

”Well, considering I have not been a good teacher, I’d say the fault lies with me.”, Jinn is openly remorseful, and he isn’t just talking about the cooking: 

“You don’t just mean cooking do you?”, Obi-Wan asked with a sniffle. 

  
  


“There are many things I have neglected to teach you.”, Jinn said softly, rubbing Obi’s tears away with his thumb.   
  
  
  


“Do you think we’ll be okay?”, Obi-Wan asks softly looking at his giant of a Master like he’s his whole world.

Feemor looks away, it hurts him to worry if Jinn will crush Kenobi’s kind soul. Dooku reached out to squeeze the knight’s hand. He knows the feeling quite well.  
  


  
“I don’t know, but I’d like us to be.”, Jinn bends to be Obi-Wan’s height and gives him a big hug. 

“Love is a delicate things we have to be careful with.” Obi-Wan said, forehead crinkled thoughtfully.  
  


“I wasn’t very careful with yours at first.”

”I know. You were afraid because someone hurt you. It’s hard to be brave, vulnerable when we’re afraid to be hurt _again_.”

”You have grown up so much, padawan.”, Qui-Gon discreetly brushes his own tears away.   
  


  
“I learned a lot in three years, Master.”   
  
  


The two pull apart and collectively gathering themselves again. Obi-Wan takes Feemor’a hand, “Come on, I’m getting hungry. Race you.”

Yoda and Dooku watch as the boys run through the Halls, Qui-Gon’s eyes twinkle with pride and joy. 

  
“I swear to the Force, if you fuck this up Qui-Gon, I will dispose your body and no one will ever find you.”, Dooku threatened.   
  


Yeah, good to know Dooku is still scary as hell. Jinn painfully sighs, “Yes, Master.”

”Heard nothing I did.”, Yoda hummed thoughtfully.   
  


  
Their little family took a speeder to Dex’s, and Dooku parked carefully. The padawan brothers talked cheerfully about saber techniques while the older Masters listened. 

  
They enter the greasy dinner, the bell climes at the door as Dex calls out.   
  
  


“Jinn, Kenobi! It’s nice to you both.”

”Hello, old friend.”, Jinn returns the man’s hug. 

“You’ve grown since I last saw you!”, Dex ruffles Obi-Wan’s hair.   
  


“A whole inch and half.”, Kenobi brags.

”Good for you.”

They gather at their usual booth, and the lineage settles around them. The waitress droid takes their order. Yoda watched in delight as Obi-Wan enjoys a root beer float.

Rarely does he see such happiness and contentment in the padawan’s eyes. He seems to enjoy seeing his family together again. There a moments he sees the joyful little boy he knew reflected in the person Obi-Wan has become.   
  
  
Obi-Wan grew up very quickly in an unkind world. Yoda laments his own involvement in the early difficult of the Kenobi-Jinn partnership.

<”The Force is a strange thing isn’t it?”> , Dooku remarked over their bond.

<“Mysterious, yes.” >, Yoda pondered.

<“I admit I am reluctant, it is as if the Force brought them together. Two sides of the same coin, mirrored events.”>

<“Lost Xanatos, Qui-Gon did. Lost Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan did. Together hurt, heal now they are. Understanding emerged from hurt.”, Yoda hummed.   
  
  


<“I still worry about them. Can they over come the hurt between them?>  
  


<“Trust in the Force we must.”>  
  


<“No, Master, trust the partnership we do. They will either find their way, or they will not. And I will not allow Jinn to hurt Obi-Wan again.”>

<“Patience, padawan.” >  
  


Dooku’s eyes flicked to Feemor who had a frown on his lips. He remains guarded, hesitant to engage with Jinn even after his public apology and reinstatement of his place in their lineage.   
  


  
Dooku felt protective of Feemor and Obi-Wan. Feemor distrusted Qui-Gon, and Yoda still felt the partnership force blessed.   
  


Obi-Wan was desperate to make things work, only wanting Jinn to be his Master. Jinn began realizing the horror the harm he inflicted on an innocent child. It would certainly make their family dinners interesting.

Force, Dooku sincerely hoped they could get through this rough patch and Obi-Wan raised happily, safely through to his Knighthood 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!
> 
> The Protect Obi-Wan Kenobi squad gathers. Feemor when Qui-Gon shows up: “Did we invite him?” XD  
> Bonus: Feemor and Obi pull a prank on Master Windu.

A lot of behind the scenes work went into preparing Obi-Wan’s lesson plans. Dooku was more than capable of overseeing Kenobi’s training and education, however, he felt it important other Masters were involved. One of Dooku’s big concerns was ensuring Kenobi had a robust support net work. It’s reason why initiates have clans and age mates. The Council flagged Jinn’s mission log, noting how rarely the Jinn-Kenobi team spent on time in the Temple that first year.

The team compromised of Master Alex, his former Crèche master, Windu, Kenobi’s lightsaber instructor, Masyer Yoda, course advisor, Master Vokara Che, Kenobi’s mind healer and cleric Brother Jo-Hun Mulcahy, Koon, Tahl, Dooku, Feemor, and well, Jinn, when he was invited.

Sometimes, it was nice to be able to meet without Master Jinn there, especially if and when they needed to discuss him. However, now that Obi-Wan wished for Qui-Gon to be his Master, he needed to be more involved.   
  


“I call the mission to order.”, Dooku cleared his throat, “Let’s begin with reports from our departments.”

“Making substantial academic progress, Obi-Wan is. Excelling in history and literature, struggling with mathematics, and piloting. Still socially inept, recommend peer activities and continued tutoring.”, Yoda hummed. 

  
  


“Obi was always an excellent pilot, until a mission he crashed the ship. He is afraid and more cautious now.”, Feemor explains.   
  


“Explains his fear it does.”, Yoda makes a note of it.   
  


“I can arrange more outings and groups events with the clan. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon can joint Bant and I for peer to peer work.”

”Good deal.”, Dooku hummed.   
  


“Medical report?”

”Obi-Wan has gained three pounds since I last saw him. I still recommend he follow our meal plan. Next he needs to have his vaccinations as we’re still catching up from the three years he missed. I recommend Dooku or Jinn bring him.”

”We can coordinate the appointment.”, Dooku agrees.   
  


“Combat training?”

”We’re preparing to face the obstacle course for his Junior padawan assessments. His environmental perception is excellent. Obi-Wan uses the Force to observe and make sense of his environment.”, Tahl explains.   
  


“Good. Feemor?”

”I received the metal staff Dooku ordered. Obi-Wan and I can begin staff training soon.”

“Brother Mulachy?”

”I’ve given some rosary practices to Obi-Wan for centering. He seems much more balanced and calm. I’m pleased with the progress he is making.”

  
  


Feemor made a face when he heard Jinn knock and ask if he could join. Dooku invited him in to their meeting, “Welcome, Qui-Gon.”

“Did we invite him?”, Feemor rolled his eyes.

”Shh, he is Obi-Wan’s master whether we like it or not.”, Tahl scolds. 

”Dooku, what’s your assessment of Padawan Kenobi?”, Windu asked curiously.

”Kenobi is a very bright, considerate, student with great potential. I worry about him still. Our lineage is strained. Fragile connection with his Master. He feels responsible for what happened on Melida/Dann.”   
  


Master Jinn shifts uncomfortable from one foot to the other, “Ah, part of is my fault.” He can feel every eye on him in the room.

”Would you like to explain?”, Mace cleared his throat. He folded his hands, and gave a “I will not tolerate your bullshit” glare.   
  


“I might told him, the failure of our apprenticeship was _his_ fault before destroying our training bond.”, Jinn looks deeply uncomfortable. 

”You did what?!”, Feemor jumps up right to throttle him. Dooku and Tahl have to hold him back.   
  


  
“It was deeply inappropriate. I see that now.”, Qui-Gon cleared his throat.

”Many years it may take us to restore confidence and trust, may never be secure in himself Kenobi could be.”, Yoda looked like he aged a century at this confession.   
  


“We will be speaking further about this.”, Mace gives Jinn a look.

”I understand.”

A silence falls across the room as they consider the implication of what Jinn has confessed. 

"Do you have anything else to say for yourself?", Tahl asked.

"I should've a better Master to Feemor, Xanatos, and Obi-Wan. It was my own inability to face my own failure that led to the path we are currently on.", he was sincerely, prostrating himself body as if awaiting to be flogged. 

"Rise, you will and face what you have done.", Master Yoda was deathly seriously, though he did hit Jinn in the shins with his gimer stick for good measures. 

"You will face the consequences of your actions, Qui-Gon. You owe it to your Padawans to be a better teacher, a better Jedi.", Dooku agreed. 

* * *

Feemor leaves the meeting feeling frustrated, angry. He thought he had gotten past this point. Trauma has a weird way of linger. His early apprenticeship had been wonderful, he felt loved and adore Master Jinn. It wasn’t until Jinn to his second padawan, Feemor noticed a change. Qui-Gon had been doting and affectionate. Xanatos was angry from the get go. He had been take from his home, his family and resented the Jedi. Blinded by his power and potential, Qui-Gon did know notice his padawan’s problematic behavior. Xanatos was arrogant and boastful. He often injured students he spared with. Older upon his arrival at the Temple, he did not have a crèche master nor clan. He was isolated from an adequate Temple support network.

  
The Council worried about his violence, reckless and borderline homicidal tendencies. Yoda did not wish for the young man to go forward for knighthood. Angered by the Council’s hesitance, Xanatos lashed out and they send him a final mission to determine his readiness. The Council send Jinn, Xanatos, Padawan Tamarik and Tahl to Telos to mediate an ongoing conflict trhreating to become civil war, the planet Xanatos’s father Crion started. Seduced by the promise of power, Xanatos joins in his father as his military's advisor. 

  
Xanatos sabotages the meeting, when a confession of war crimes committed by the one of the governor's top advisers. Civil war breaks out on the planet, marking a failure in the Jedi's attempt for peaceful resolution. Jinn attempts to rescue Canatos, but Crion wishes to duel Jinn intead, upset the Jedi Master took his son to the Temple to become a Knight. In a rush to save Padawan Tamarik's rescue, Jinn knocks Crion to his death. Angered, Xanatos fell to the darkside and picked up his father's fallen sword. Rioters threatened to storm the palace, allowing the fallen Jedi drop to escaped before the former pair could spare. He continued to make Padawan Kenobi and Master Jinn's first year hellish.

Feemor's repudiation did not happen until early in his knighthood, shortly after Xanatos' fall, before Jinn took Kenobi as a Padawan. It wasn't unusual for knights and Masters to put distance between them. Though, you should always be able to return to your Master for guidance. Feemor did not have the benefit, exiled among his peers, he transformed Temples and wanted to be far away from Jinn.

He found Padawan Kenobi in the hallway sniffling, "You alright, kiddo?"

"Not really."

"What's wrong?", Feemor bent to the sixteen year old's height. 

"I-I know about the meetings." Kenobi did not confess he tended to hid in the vents and observe them. He did not intent on sharing that information with Feemor however.

"Shit. You know we only meet because we care about you, right?"

"I know. It's just I can sense our lineage is still divided. Dinner was disastrous. You hate Qui-Gon. Dooku distrusts Yoda and Qui-Gon. And you only put up with each other for my sake.", Kenobi sniffles. 

  
Feemor feels like the kid punched him in the gut, at twenty-six years old, he is not quite feeling like the adult enough person to deal with his. Yet his little brother is looking to him for guidance. Where is a more adulter adult when you need them? Summoning the courage, the Knight looks at Obi-Wan, "I-I know, it sucks when the people you love the most aren't sure how to get along. But you have brought us back together, Obi." 

"But it's not enough, Fee. You shouldn't have to pretended to like each other for me."

"Oh, kid, it's complicated. It has been for a long time. It might be awkward at first, but we're trying to find our way."

Obi-Wan buries his face into Feemor's robes, and the Knight holds him close. Sometimes, in moments like this Feemor wonders what it would be like to have a Padawan. He swore after the way Jinn treated him he would never be a teacher. Yet here he is, being a big brother and mentor to his baby brother. The Force pulsates almost teasingly in his chest, Feemor swears he can hear Yoda's voice in his head, "Never say never, never know what the Force will call you to."

"I know what we will make us both feel better."

"What's that?"

"Let's prank Master Windu."

"Feemor! Won't we get in trouble?"

"Nah, you're like the Council's padawan. He might yell though. I can take the blame."

  
"That's not fair. We'll share the blame."

"Okay. Deal."

  
Feemor has been waiting for this. They take the stairs up a few flights to the observatory deck. Finding the power and flask of water, Feemor mixes the dye together. With Obi-Wan's help, they secure it in a balloon. The pair giggles, trying to be discreet as they await Yoda, Ploon, and Windu to cross the threshold. "Okay, we have to drop this on Windu, okay?" 

"Okay.", Kenobi giggles. 

Feemor drops the balloon filled with pink dye which stains Windu's pale Jedi robes. They cover their mouths, concealing the laughter, the Knight forces Kenobi's head down so they aren't seen.

"FEEMOR! KENOBI!", Windu sniffs the air as if he can sense their involvement. 

"Come on, run.", Feemor helps Kenoi onto their feet.

"Ugh, I just got my robes dry cleaned last week.", Windu sighs.

"There, there, my friend, no point in crying over stained robes.", Plo Koon suppresses the desire to laugh at his friend and collage.

  
"They are in so much trouble."

"Let this pass we will, better prank we can pull.", Yoda humms already plotting. 

"Look, Kenobi is finally acting his age for a change. I'd say this is progress.", Plo agreed. 

"I hate you all. Force, Yoda's lineage is the reason I have no hair.", Windu frowns. 

Somewhere in the Temple, Jinn's Master senses tingle, "I sense trouble making.", he announces to his sleeply loth cat before fixing a cup of tea. Obi-Wan shows Feemor his secret knowledge of the air vents. They both laugh until their sides hurt, panting out of breath. The Knight and Padawan sit side by side with a pleasant look on their faces. They manage to escape Master Windu and the Council this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have two thoughts. First of all, JA Series Jinn would've been a terrible Master to Anakin. I mean, he basically does to Obi-Wan exactly what he does to Feemor, throws away their partnership after seeing an even more powerful, shiny padawan. He would've been just as blind to Anakin's problems as he was with Xanatos However, I strongly feel Movie Jinn would be exactly who what Master Kenobi needs after Order 66, having time to have reflected on his failure and successes in his life. I love that Master Qui-Gon is a complicated character, incredibly wise Master and an expectational Jedi. However, he can blinded by his own feelings and agenda, even in TPM, we see this. 
> 
> Second, I'm trying to image how hilarious it must be for the Council to have known Padawan Kenobi. Poor Obi-Wan, I'm sure they don't let anything go once he's a Master. Remember that embarrassing thing you did at 16, 18, 20, we remember. He totally grew the beard after they gave him a hard time about looking twelve. *giggles*


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon takes Obi-Wan to his appointment with Master Che.

There are things about Obi-Wan Kenobi his master is learning about. He has a birthmark on the crook of his left elbow, an angel's kiss, it's faded more and more, yet it is still there. Second, Obi-Wan has one hell of a poker face, yet his hands are his tell. He hides them in his robe sleeves, a nervous habit. Kenobi's shields are incredibly impressive, almost too impressive, Jinn thinks. He almost doesn't recognize Kenobi's force signature at first, it is much calmer, balanced than the angry, impulsive, and nervous boy he knew. 

Master Yoda had recently confided, Kenobi had grown more and more afraid as he neared his thirteenth birthday. Then being send to the Bandomeer, nearly dying, and failing to secure Master Jinn's attention, naturally the young man was hurt. Not quite a teenager, and not a little boy anymore, Kenobi had become difficult, stubborn, reckless. His creche masters and teachers report a change in his behavior around the time Jinn took him as his padawan. 

Earlier reports recall Obi-Wan as a happy, well adjusted child with a sense of humor. Average student, strong potential gifts in the Unifying Force, and driven to success, Obi-Wan needed to be lovingly guided. He didn't have to be the top of his classes or the best duelist, hard work will beat talent every time if the talented ones are not disciplined. Obi-Wan's academic progress his first year as a padawan reflect a change, grades improve, a strong dedication to saber work, and crowning achievements in the Junior Padawan Sparing Tournaments. He brought home straight A's, several new beads on his braid, and endless achievements. Yet Qui-Gon did not remember this until he combed through his padawan's room and school records as of recent _. Did he have as many or even more crowning achievements than Xan?_ He missed the fact, Obi-Wan was an a luminous soul with great potential if only someone could nurture him. 

You see, Jinn had been terribly angry and hurt by Obi-Wan's decision to remain on Melida/Dann. His room felt like a tomb, one the Master kept shut up and sealed. He mourned the loss of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Around six months after their separation, Jinn would go into Obi-Wan's room, hold his cloak and cry. Months turned into years, Jinn feared his padawan had perished on Medlia/ Dann. He thought if Obi-Wan had been alive, certainly he'd send for his Master. Yet the call never came. 

It was a cry for help, Jinn realizes now, the outbursts, the anger, the defiance. _Are you listening, Master? Do you see me?_ Master Jinn had not seen nor heard Kenobi's cries for help. He saw the anger and impulsive behavior Kenobi displayed, and only thought of Xanatos. Another padawan who will fall to the Dark side and only hurt me again. So Qui-Gon Jinn never made room in his heart for his padawan.

They are practically strangers, Jinn realizes as he sits in the waiting room with Obi-Wan who quietly listens to an audio book. His staff lays in his lap as callused small hands repeatedly run over the grain of the wood. This Obi-Wan is a conundrum: hurt yet kind, skeptical yet encouraging, wise yet young. He knew a boy who was angry, impulsive and reckless. Instead of falling, Obi-Wan's anger melted away into something new: wisdom, understanding, compassion, mercy _. He isn't Xanatos. He isn't Xanatos. He isn't Xanatos._ It's something Jinn has to remind himself over and over again. 

"Kenobi.", Master Che calls ushering them into an exam room. Jinn watches Obi-Wan gracefully settle on his feet, and guide himself with his staff in hand.

Jinn and Kenobi enter the exam room, "I'll be back in a moment, change in this.", the master healer announces. He looks away respective as the boy changes into the hospital issue trousers. He glances up as Obi-Wan pulls his tunic on, seeing the exposed skin of his abdomen There are moments like this when Qui-Gon confronts reality: the map of scares and specters of old injuries that dot most of Kenobi's body. No area of skin is left unaffected by the Melida/Dann conflict. 

Kenobi's lips quirk, "Take a picture. It'll last longer"

"How do you know?", Jinn exhales averting his eyes again. 

"Haven't you felt that unease when someone is watching you? You do not need vision to see things, Master Jedi."

  
"Sorry. I shouldn't have stared."

"You haven't see my body since I arrived, have you?"

"No. I've seen x-rays, pictures, and read medical reports though."

"No part of me was left unscarred by this damned conflict." 

Obi-Wan takes a seat on the crinkly paper of the exam table. The silence pools between them awkwardly as they wait for Master Che to return. 

"Does it hurt?", Qui-Gon asks

Obi-Wan isn't sure if they're talking about his body or not anymore, "All the time."

"How do you bear it?"

"You learn to live with the pain." 

  
Wounded by his padawan's sharp words and honesty, Jinn is almost thankful when Master Che arrives. The head healer moves slowly and gently through the examination: taking note of vitals, weight, height, and health. She talks him through each and every part of their check up, asking before she did anything. Obi-Wan's weight remains a concern, he is still underweight and dealing with the consequences of a malnourished body. He is making good progress with his meal plan. As an active young man, he needed to consume at least 3,200 calories per day. 

Obi-Wan's entire demeaner changes when Master Che concludes her exam, and moves to the vaccination portion of their appointment. He had been projecting calm, almost too calm, Maste Che and Jinn knew as much. He twitches nervously, half ready to climb Qui-Gon like a tree and no one moves. Maste Che's voice is soft, "Three or four shots, today?" She likes to give him a choice to make decisions for himself.

"Three.", he swallows. 

  
Obi-Wan burrows his face against Qui-Gon’s shoulder.   
  


“I’m going to clean your arm.”, Master Che decided the process.

“Cold.”

”Sorry.” Master Che uncaps the vaccine, “I’m approaching. The most uncomfortable part is the medicine going in.”

Obi-Wan is brave, “Okay.”

She bandages the wound, and repeats the process twice more. Obi-Wan gets a sucker for his effort, and happily takes two extra for the road.

You did really well.”

He gives her a soft smile.

Master Che and Jinn talk in the hall while Obi-Wan changes back into his Jedi attire. When he finished, he meets Qui-Gon in the hall.   
  


“You were very brave, my young apprentice.”, Jinn ruffles his hair.

“I was afraid.”, Obi-Wan shook his head.   
  


“So you needed a little support. That’s okay.”

”Oh.”

”It is always okay to ask someone to hold your hand.”

”Even big wise Jedi Masters?”

”Yes, Obi, even big wise Jedi Masters.”

“Do you ever get scared?”, Obi-Wan asked earnestly.   
  


“Yes, Obi-Wan, sometimes I do.”

They look at each other, hearts battered, trust hesitant and yet willing to try. This time Qui-Gon Jinm has made room in his heart for Obi-Wan. But can he make right the hurt he has caused? He does not know, but he must try. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan finally deals with Bruck Chun. 
> 
> TW: Child Abuse
> 
> Note: We’re taking an alternative direction here. Bruck does not die nor kidnaps Bant under the influence of Xanatos.

It was different returning to classes after his age mates had seen into the suffering Obi-Wan experienced on Melida/Dann. They treated him differently after that. There was an understanding Obi-Wan had been through something traumatic, he was no longer the same person.

Suddenly, the quietness, the staring into space, jumping when something fell on the floor made sense. Obi-Wan had a difficult time distinguishing between every day noises, and the war he lived through. Most days he was fine, but every now and again something would take him back to a particular memory.

Obi-Wan walked through the halls with ease. The Temple was warm and alive, bursting with sensations in the Force. It was easier to create a mental map in the Force when the environment is receptive. He finds cold, metal ships the hardest to navigate. The Temple however is home, and he knows it well even now.   
  


As Obi-Wan turns the corner, he runs into Bruck who intentionally brushed against Kenobi’s shoulder with his own body. His books and papers fall out of his hand in a heap.   
  


“Ofay-Wan, have you always been so clumsy?”, Bruck growls.

Bant and Garen help Obi-Wan pick up his fallen items. Reeft holds Quinlan back, who is ready for a fight. Kenobi touches Vos’ shoulder, “I got this.”

”You bumped against me.”

”What are you going to do about it?, the white blond haired boy taunts. 

“Why are you so angry, Bruck?”

”W-what would you know about anger?”, Chun seems caught off guard.   
  


“I was angry about being picked last, Qui-Gon leaving me on Melida-Dann, the conflict between the Young and Elders, being exiled from the Young after advocating for peace.”

”I am nothing like you.”, Chun’s nose scrunches.   
  


“I made mistakes, Bruck. But I asked for help and the Jedi Order gave me a second chance. You don’t have to go down this path of anger and fear.”

Something softens in Bruck, “You mean, all you have to do is ask for help?” There is a desperation in his eyes. Obi-Wan feels like he’s back on Melida/Dann talking to a scared youngling.   
  


“Yes, Chun. Certainly you can speak to your Master can’t you?”

”I-I can’t speak with Master Krell.”, the blood drains out of Bruck Chun’s face.   
  


Obi-Wan looks at this boy, noticed his strange absence from classes, the bruises he hides under the guise of clumsiness, and his anger. He had seen child abuse on Melida-Dann. Why did it take him so long to notice Bruck Chun has a busted lip, and a new bruise on his forehead.   
  
  


“Is someone hurting you?”, Kenobi asks, eyes flickering back to Bant. 

“I-I can’t say.”

”Can you just shake your head? Yes.”

Obi-Wan watches as Bruck Chun nods yes. He sighs and gathers strength from the Force making a plan in his head, “Reeft, would you tell Master Koth we’ll be late for history?”

”Sure thing, Obi.”

”Quin, Garen, Reeft, why don’t you go to class? Bant and I will escort Bruck to Master Tahl’s apartment.”, he was already comming a message to Dooku and Qui-Gon to meet them. 

* * *

Bruck had made himself small and quiet. The anger has melted away into fear, Obi-Wan can feel his tremble in the Force. Kenobi squeezes his hand, “It’s going to be okay, Chun.”

”Who will believe me over Master Krell?”

”We do. And so will our Masters.”, Bant offered reassuringly.   
  
  


When they arrive at the apartment, Dooku, Qui-Gon and Tahl are sitting at the kitchen table cups of tea with sweets already prepared. 

“Is everything alright, Obi-Wan, Bant?”, Tahl fussed over them.   
  


“It’s about Bruck Chun.”, Obi-Wan clears his throat.   
  


“Hello darling, I’m Master Tahl. These are my friends, Qui-Gon Jinn and Yan Dooku.”

”Hello. I’m Bruck.”, Chun offered shyly as he hid behind Obi-Wan.   
  
  


They begin by sitting at the table and enjoying a cup of tea. Bruck eats several little sandwiches, hungry as if he hasn’t eaten in a while. The Masters observe carefully. Once the tea is finished, and the Masters have listened to the padawan s talk, they coordinate a plan. 

“Obi-Wan said you were hurt. Why don’t we patch you up?”, Tahl offers.

”It’s okay. I patched myself up.”

”It looks like it hurts.

“I guess you can take a look.”

Bruck takes his tunic off, and the Masters observe the various injuries at different stages of healing. Master Tahl applied some Bacta ointment, and gently cared for the boy. 

  
“Where did you get that busted lip and the bruise on your forehead?”, Dooku asks softly.

”I swear, I was just being clumsy when Master and I were sparing.”, the boy shakes with fear.   
  


“Little one, is someone hurting?”, Qui-Gon asks as they uncover injury after injury.   
  


Bruck shivers, hesitantly he finds his words, “Yes, Master Krell hurts me. It’s my fault though. I don’t listen enough. I’m not quick enough. I’m not good enough.” 

“Bruck, it is never okay for any adult, especially not a Jedi Master to hurt young lings.”

”Am i going to get send to the AgriCorps?”

”We will find you a Master, I promise.”

”I’m too old.”

”You are more than welcome to stay with Obi-Wan. ”, Dooku announces decisively.   
  


“Y-you would?”

”Everyone deserve a second chance, Bruck.”

”I am angry and impulsive, Master Dooku.”

”You were hurt by an adult who was supposed to care for you. Anger is normal, padawan. We can work with anger.”, Dooku soothes. 

“You did the right thing, padawans to tell us the truth.”, Jinn reminds all three of them. 

”What is going to happen now?”, Obi-Wan asks.   
  


“We’ll need to contact Master Vokara Che and the Council. I’m sure Master Che will want to give Bruck a check up, and the Council will likely issue an emergency removal of padawan order.”, Master Tahl explains.

”Where will I go?”, Bruck asks. 

“Just like with Obi-Wan, they’ll decide a custody arrangement. Given the circumstances, they’ll punish Master Krell with the laws of both the Republic as well as the Order.”

Obi-Wan and Bant are hesitant to leave Bruck. Their tormentor and childhood bully no longer appears scary, rather in needed of a good friend.   
  


“We best get you to the Halls.”, Master Tahl clears her throat.   
  


Obi-Wan asks if he can hug Bruck, the boy nods. “I promise it is going to be okay.”

”How did you figure it out?”, Bruck sniffles.

”There is almost always an explanation for our emotions, Bruck. Anger is an emotion I know well. I was hurt once too.”

”By Master Jinn?”

”Unlike Master Krell, Master Jinn did not physically hurt me. However, he made some poor decisions that led to my abandonment on Melida/Dann.”

”I’m sorry I picked on you, Obi-Wan.”

”Sometimes we ask for help by acting out. I’m just glad you are going to be safe, Bruck.” 

“Thank you, Obi-Wan. I don’t deserve your kindness.”

”Everyone needs kindness, Bruck.”

  
“Obi-Wan, Bant, do you feel up to going back to class?”, Dooku asks.

”Sure.”, they answer.

”Master Tahl and I will take Padawan Chun to the Halls.”, Master Dooku decides placing a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.   
  


“I can walk you both back to class.”, Master Jinn offers.

  
  
“May the Force be with you, Bruck.”, Obi-Wan offers.

”And also with you.”

Obi-Wan and Bant nods. They watch as their age mate heads in the opposite direction and offer a quiet prayer for him. The friends hold hands feeling the Force between them. They feel sorry for the pain Bruck Chun had experienced, and no one noticed not even his age mates.

Bant heads in the classroom, but Obi-Wan hesitantly lingers by Qui-Gon. There is something on his mind.   
  


“Thank you.”, Obi-Wan says quietly. 

”What for?”, Qui-Gon asks. 

”Believing us.” 

“Oh, Obi-Wan.”, Jinn bends to Obi-Wan’s height, brushing away tears.   
  


“Someone was hurting Bruck Chun, and we all just thought he was mean.”

“There is always more to people’s emotions if we’re willing to ask questions.”

  
  


“I wish someone noticed sooner.”, Obi-Wan sniffled, Qui-Gon wasn’t sure if they were just taking about Bruck Chun anymore. 

  
  


“I’m sure the Council will intervene now. It will make a world of difference for Bruck.”

”I better head to class.”, Obi-Wan scrubs his face with his robe sleeve. 

Before he leave for class, Obi-Wan gives Qui-Gon a hug. He needed that reassurance, Jinn can feel his mixed emotions in the Force. Jinn squeezes him gently, “I’m very proud of you, Obi-Wan. It was not easy to help your friend the way you did.”

”We all need someone to notice us especially when we cry out for help, Master.”

“I will plan more attention from now on. You can always come to me and I will listen. Okay?”

”Okay.”

Qui-Gon tucks on Kenobi’s braid before the boy found the strength to go back to class. Master Jinn watches him leave, _Force, help me to be worth of his heart,_ he thought. 


	16. Chapter 16

Upon discovery of Krell’s abuse of the boy, the Council placed Bruck Chun with Dooku. Master Pong Krell was currently residing in the Temple cells as he awaited his trial in the Republic courts Kenobi and Chun surprisingly found a mutual understanding in the week since.

Dooku was considering asking the boy to be his padawan if things were to work between Jinn and Kenobi. The padawan bedroom happened to have two twin beds, and accommodated the boys just fine.

The older man sat with the other masters in the stands as they watched their padawan drill and warm up for the Junior Padawan tournament. Dooku enjoyed watching his grandpadawan making strides in his kata practice.

“How the Dooku Home for Wayward Padawans?”, Jinn teased.

“Oh, hush. You outdo me with your adoption of pathetic life forms. Surprisingly well actually , Chun and Kenobi are getting along better than I expected.”

“It’s a shame what happened to Padawan Chun. I can’t imagine ever hurting a child.”, Tahl shook her head

“Do you think he’ll always be an angry, unruly person?”, Jinn asked.

“It’s early, but I’m pleased with the progress he’s made with moving mediations, working with the mind healer, and releasing his anger. I think there is hope for the boy.”

”How is Kenobi handling the new addition?”

”In stride really, I think think he truly has a gift for mentoring and befriending others. Obi-Wan has always been highly sensitive and kind.”, Dooku considers.   
  


“What made you decide you were willing to take on another student?”, Jinn asked.   
  


“Welcoming Obi-Wan made me realize I could make a difference, you know? There are so many students who need a steady, disciplined adult to help guide them.”

”You seemed to have mellowed in your old age.”, Jinn teased.

”Perhaps if I realized every padawan is different and needs their own approach to teaching, we might not have butted heads so often.”

“For what it is worth, you taught me so much, Master.”

”You as well, padawan.”, Dooku gave Jinn a soft smile.

* * *

Kenobi bowed to Garen as they finished their practice spare. They took their seats waiting their turn to be called to the mat. Reeft, Garen, Quin, and Bant watched as Bruck faced his first opponent.

These days Bruck was practically Obi-Wa/ shadow, they stuck close by at home and school. It turns out Bruck had a sense of humor, and seemed to be an alright guy.   
  


“Do we have to be friends with Bruck Chen, Quinlan whined.   
  
  


“He’s been through a lot. I think he could use a friend right now.”, Obi-Wan countered.

”He’s always been mean to us.”, Garen pointed out.

”You would be too of someone was hurting you.”, Reeft pointed out 

  
“The Jedi show compassion.”, Obi-Wan was firm on this. 

”But to Bruck Chun?”, Quinlan struggled here.   
  


“He’s a nice boy underneath all the anger and hurt. Give him a chance.”, Bant agreed with Obi. Bant and Obi spend a lot of time with Chun.   
  
  
  


They watched Bruck as he won his first round, and would be summoned for his next match.

Obi-Wan handed him a bottle of water, “You did a nice job out there.”

”Thanks.”

Bruck took his seat next to Obi-Wan, they comfortably sat side by side. Before long Obi-Wan was called to the mat for his first duel of the day. 

  
He prepared to face his opponent, Siri Tachi. They bowed respectfully before the Battlemaster asked them to prepare for the bell to ring.

Kenobi took a deep breath letting the Force flow through his body like a conduit. He yields to its with obedience, getting a feel for the way Siri stood.

Siri strikes first, aggressive trying to draw him out. She favors her right, he observes. Obi-Wan moves into Form III block, they circle each other. Kenobi is patient meeting her blade for blade, waiting for an opportunity.

Siri strikes his ankle leaving singed place on his robes She is a fierce opponent, striking with power behind her ‘saber. Obi-Wan moves into an Form IV aerial and uses the wall to flip. They dances across the floor, blades singing in the Force. Obi-Wan finds an opportunity when she falters with her footing, a little too much distance between her left and right.

He parlays forward and strikes her chest lightly, “Yield.”   
  


“You win. Good game, Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan helps her up, and they shake hands. He can feel Dooku’s pride across their bond, “Nice work, kid.” Unlike Qui-Gon, Dooku shares more of his feelings and projections through the bond.

Windu raises Kenobi’s hand as the winner, he moves into the next bracket. Obi-Wan feels a warning in the Force, and much like earlier yields. His vision flashed to another time when he is injuried in a similar way. Ah, he’ll Berle prepared next time   
  
  
“Out of my sight. I have a headache looking at you.”, Windu grumbles, sensing yet another shatter point.

”Of course, Master.”

”Nice job, Kenobi.”

Master Che cares for his arm, the batca soothes the wound. It’s worth the feeling buzzing lightly in his mind.

“Thank you, healer.”

“My pleasure, kiddo.”

Obi-Wan bows, and takes his place along his friends again. He smiles, saber work is one place he finds his busyness mind quieted, and content. He is at peace, and happy to feel the warmth of his friendship bonds as they interact. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Qui and Obi feels as a treat. I ought to write one for Dooku and Obi.

Qui-Gon stood in his padawan’s bedroom, it had once been a tomb, now it is a shrine. He keeps it dusted and clean, as if Kenobi never left. The gentle giant picks up a framed picture of Obi-Wan and him shortly after his padawan braiding ritual. Obi-Wan has a big smile on his face.

The boy looks so young and happy, unburdened by a difficult apprenticeship. He closes his eyes and can almost imagine training his boy. Obi-Wan was thirteen, eager to please, passionate, and happy to go lucky. They’re barefoot in the training robes working through katas with a training saber.

”I-I did it!”, Obi-Wan is so proud of himself. He sounded so sure of himself, beaming brightly in the Force.

“Good job, kiddo.”

“I can kick anyone’s butt now.”

Qui-Gon’s lips quirked in amusement. He bent to Obi-Wan’s height, “Remember our first lesson, this is only for self defense.”

  
“Yes, Master.”

”Our true power lies here.”, Qui-Gon’s fingers ghost over the boy’s forehead and chest, “Here, but never here.”, he touches Obi-Wan’s fist.

”Our sabers?”, Obi-Wan asks confused.

  
“We always try to use our words first, little one.”

”Oh.”

“Come here you.”, Qui-Gon hugs the boy close, letting out an affectionate groan, “Never let down your guard. Be aware the spinning hug kata.”

Qui-Gon picks Obi-Wan up and spins him around. Peals of laughter and delight slip out of Obi-Wan’s lips. They laugh, their bond sparking with brilliance and childhood joy. Jinn's broken, bleeding heart clenched wondering about what their life might be like together. This beautiful light gave him a small spark of hope, one he should've kindled and cared for.

  
  


“Master!”, he laughs.

  
  


Qui-Gon is jolted from his memory when he hears a knock at the door. Oh, padawan, I have failed you. There is no such thing as a bad student, only a bad teacher. The Jedi master reminds himself. 

* * *

“Hi, Obi.”, Qui-Gon greeted opening the door with a whoosh.

“I’m here for visitation.”, Obi-Wan said quietly, his bag by his feet. 

“Come in.”

It’s strange to be back in their once shared quarters. As Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon continue their reconciliation, the day draws closer to his return to this space with Jinn as his master.   
  


“It hasn’t changed much.” Obi-Wan comments.

”I kept your room as you left it.”

  
“Oh. Wow.”, Obi-Wan is surprised by how unchanged things are, almost as if he had never left.   
  


“I’ll let you get settled.”, Qui-Gon clears his throat.   
  


  
  
Obi-Wan sets to unpack, leaving some of his things here for when he visits again. It is a leap of faith to trust someday these will not be just visits. 

  
Obi-Wan can sense his Master’s anxiety, which is a new experience. Rarely has Qui-Gon opened their bond enough to pick up on the subtle pulses of emotion. He closed his eyes, and finds Jinn’s presence. The man is pacing back and forth in the living room. Obi-Wan had always found his Master to be calm, steady and grounded like a mighty oak with deep roots. Reaching across their bond, Obi-Wan sends reassurance and affection. Feeling Qui-Gon reach back and squeeze almost like a hug takes his breath away.   
  
  


Once Obi-Wan has finished unpacking his things, he finds his master meditating in a apologetic prose, hands open as if ready to receive punishment.

“Qui-Gon?””

“I failed you, little one.”

”Come here.”, Obi-Wan commanded. His Master sat up and the young man gave him a big hug. Qui-Gon sniffled.   
  


“There is no such thing as a bad student, only a bad teacher, Obi-Wan.”

”All we can do is name what we’ve done, reflect on how we can do better and do it. ”, Obi-Wan brushed his Master’s tears away.   
  
  


“I’m afraid of hurting you again.”, Jinn admits.

Obi-Wan makes a soft sound taking a seat beside his master, pressing their knees together, "Sometimes I'm afraid you'll leave me again." 

"Look at us. What a pair we make.", Qui-Gon shook his head. 

"You know how we drill until katas become muscle memory?", the boy worries the sleeve of his robe. 

  
"Yeah."

"Trauma is like that, muscle memory, I mean, we've been hurt by other people and we hurt each other." 

  
"I should've been a better master."

"Do or do not.", Obi-Wan gives him a soft smile. 

  
"Oh, yes, wise _Master_ Kenobi.", Qui-Gon tugs on his braid, he admires the boy's twin braids, one for Dooku, one for Qui-Gon, his boy has earned a handful of achievements in the last few months. 

"I was angry for a long time. At you, the Order, the Elders. I think that's why I wanted to stay on Melida-Dann, I understood the Young. All they wanted was someone to hear them, to listen, be the grown up.", Obi-Wan's voice was fragile, filled with conflicting emotions. 

  
"You have every right to be angery with the Order, with me. Force, Obi-Wan, I-I left you for dead."

"That's the thing, Qui-Gon, Anger leaves an empty void in your soul. It demands more and more until there is nothing left. You cannot attempt to across the abyss, well not _alone_."

"What changed?", Qui-Gon asked, knowing Obi-Wan is no longer angry, reckless or impulsive.

  
Obi-Wan pulls a dog eared copy of Jedi philosophy out of his pocket, "Our emotions cloud the mind, which only brings us suffering. I had to let go of my anger to clear my mind, and heal. The teaching of the Jedi helped me find my way home again." 

"Sometimes I wonder who the student and who the teacher is.", Qui-Gon's eyes are wet. 

"You cannot hold onto your fear, Master. You have an abyss too." 

"I guess, we'll have to cross it together.", Qui-Gon sniffles, taking Obi-Wan's hand. 

"Come on, you'll get sore and stiff if you sit on the floor.", Obi-Wan helped his Master onto his feet. 

"Where did you learn so much, my sparrow?" 

"Life is as good a teacher as any."

Qui-Gon ruffles the boy's hair and watches Obi-Wan led him into the kitchen. They fix a cup of tea, and sweet treats. Jinn has not forgotten about Obi-Wan's sweet tooth. He closes his eyes, and thinks of the little boy in the photography. _The sound of laughter and childhood joy ringing_ in his ears. For as long as he lives, Master Jinn will be haunted by the knowledge he hurt that bright soul brimming with potential. Now, his sparrow has become a young man before his very eyes, wise and smart, capable, and serious, studious and drive, kind and friendly. skeptical and questioning. Qui-Gon finds his balance again with a few steadying breathes and the warmth of his tea cup pressed between his hands. 

  
"Eat up, Master. We have work to do."

"Yes, padawan." 

The Force swells in Qui-Gon's chest, he feels lightheaded as it tugs at him with urgency. It is not often, the Master of the Living Force gives much mind to the future, sometimes the Force has something to say. Qui-Gon always tries to head the Force's warnings. The grounding image of his sparrow as a child is contrasting with another that takes his breath away. He saw his brilliant sparrow with grey hair, face withered with age, a pain in his soul. Obi-Wan no longer a boy, but an old man, alone. isolated, on a sandy planet, tormented by dark memories. 

  
When he comes back to the present moment, Obi-Wan looks concerned. Qui-Gon rubs at his head, feeling the beginning of a forehead. He sighed, Force, he really ought to mediate with his master. Even after his grounding practice, JInn his emotional state is a disaster. 

"You sure you okay?", Obi-Wan asked.

"Just a fragmentation of a possible future. It is best not to dwell on it." 

"I-I didn't know you had visions."

"The future is always in motion, young one. I try not to worry as much as you do.", Qui-Gon teased. 

Obi-Wan shrugged, "Maybe you should worry more." 

Qui-Gon gives him a soft smile, and shook his head, "Do you want to have dinnr with Tahl and Bant?"

"I'd like that. Dex's?"

  
"Sure. You've earned a treat."

"Oh, yeah? I haven't kicked your ass yet."

"is that a threat, padawan?"

"It's a promise."

"Someone is feeling bold."  
  


They settle their emotional state before leaving the apartment to spar. Qui-Gon loses himself in the process of teaching his boy. There is something about Obi-Wan's presences that brings him peace. Maybe, Master Yoda was right, they are meant to be. The temple has not seen a team as strong as Jinn and Kenobi in a long time. They are the team. If only they can get past the anger and fear that once kept them bound. Together, two broken souls dare to be brave and try again to find each other. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon didn’t realize how bad Obi-Wan’a visions were. Obi-Wan wants his Zu Fu, and Qui-Gon comes to a horrific realization.

A strange giddy feeling arose between the Master-Padawan due on the night of Obi-Wan’s first sleep over at Qui-Gon’s. Unsupervised weekend visitations marked a new step in the restoration apprenticeship.   
  


Qui-Gon noted Obi-Wan went to bed around 10:30 pm. The boy read quietly for a while before turning off the light. He quietly watched a holofilm, listening to his padawan’s soft snores through the thin walls. He finally went to bed himself around an hour later, the anxiety finally wearing him down.   
  


  
The household sleep peaceful until the early hours of the morning. Qui-Gon woke to a startled, scared shout. He grabbed his ‘saber and prepared to fight an attacker until he realized it was his padawan.   
  


The boy tossed and turned violently in his bed, fists clenching the sheets. The Jedi master put his ‘saber away, and his heart ached as he saw terror painted on his brilliant sparrow’s young face. 

Reaching out to his padawan, he finds Obi-Wan drifting away in the Unifying Force in the throes of a vision. He can feel Kenobi’s fear and terror in the Force. “ _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t save you_.”, the boy cries.   
  
  


Qui-Gon pushes away his fear and anxiety, falling onto the floor in a half lotus position. He centers himself asking the Force for guidance. The Jedi Masted gently seeks out Obi-Wan’s force presence, and helps him find his way back to awareness. 

“Obi-Wan, my brilliant sparrow, you are safe. We are in the Temple. You are home.”, the Jedi Master gently calls for him.   
  


The boy’s stormy blue-grey eyes open in terror. His skin is pale and clammy to the touch, his hair sticking to his forehead. Obi-Wan suddenly turns an awful shade of green.   
  


Jinn quietly moved the trash can in time to catch the boy’s sick. Tears prick in Kenobi’s eyes as he retches and vomits painfully.

“It’s okay. Let it come up. Shhh.”, Master Jinn soothed.   
  


The boy coughs, “Sorry.”, before retching again. He spits when the vomiting has subsided. 

He looks miserable, disoriented and confused. The boy practically jumps out of bed when Jinn moves to rub circles on his back.   
  


They both look like a deer caught in head lights. Qui-Gon moves always slowly, hands up where Kenobi can see him. The boy makes himself small, and presses his back against the ball, blanket drawn protectively around him as he weeps. In his hands, the boy clutches a beloved, scrappy stuffed bear.   
  


“Obi-Wan?”, Jinn called. He couldn’t draw his brilliant sparrow out of the dissociative spiral.   
  


“ _My fault. My fault. My fault.”,_ Obi-Wan whispers over and over again, rocking back and forth.   
  


Unsure what to do, Qui-Gon sits against the wall on the opposite side of the room watching his padawan. It feels like an eternity before those stormy blue eyes return from wherever they had gone.   
  


“I-I want my Zu Fu.”, Obi-Wan cries into his hands.   
  


The request cuts like a knife as Jinn work’s quickly to step out of his padawan’s bedroom to comm the elder master. He tries not to take it personally. It hurts to know he is not who his padawan calls for when afraid or sick.   
  
  


Despite it being three am, Master Dooku arrived at Jinn’s apartment in minutes. He didn’t even dress, still in his night cap, sleep trousers, slippers, and a tunic with his cloak half hazardously thrown on. He can sense Kenobi’s overwhelming distress and confusion in the Force.   
  


“What happened?”, Dooku asks.

”I think he had a nightmare.” 

“You think?”

”He was thrashing violently in bed, woke up to vomit and dissociated for a moment.”

”I wish that was a nightmare. I suspect a Force vision.”, Dooku looked concerned. He pushed into Obi-Wan’s room, giving the boy a wide berth. Kenobi recognized him, and clung to him, crying softly.   
  


“I’m here, kiddo.”, Dooku reassured, holding the boy close.   
  


“It hurts.”, boy whispered across their bond pressing his face into his grand master’s shoulder. 

”Where, Obi?”

”Head, stomach.”, Obi-Wan pointed, answering wordless. 

  
“Did you have a vision.”

A nod. Sometimes, Obi-Wan is quiet after a panic attack of nightmare. Dooku doesn’t mind. They’ve gotten good at nonverbal communication. 

  
They sit together for a long time until Obi-Wan is more calm and alert. Qui-Gon paced the hallway anxiously. 

”Let’s get you out of these vomit stained clothes.” 

A nod. Dooku carries the boy into the refresher stripping him down to his small clothes, which he leaves on. With Qui-Gon’s help, they get him cleaned up and leave long enough for Kenobi to dress.

Dooku carries Obi-Wan into the living room, laying him on the couch. Qui-Gon offers him a wet wash cloth and trash can. The elder master puts the wet cloth on Obi-Wan’s forehead feeling him burn with fever. They work to keep him cool and comfortable.   
  


“I’m here, kiddo. Your Master and I aren’t going anywhere.”, Dooku squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand.

”Here. You’ll need Harold.”, Qui-Gon gave the boy his ratty best. Kenobi clung to the stuffed animal desperately.

Dooku and Jinn keep a vigil, trying to keep Obi-Wan’s fever down. Other than the occasional whimper, Kenobi is quiet, lulled into an exhausted fitful sleep.   
  


“Have his visions always been this bad?”

”These are just the night ones, but yes, this one is particularly bad though.”

”I-I had no idea.”

Dooku cleared his throat, “He told me you instructed to not center on his anxieties.”

”Has he not been telling when he has nightmares?”  
  


”Obi-Wan told me learned to deal with them on his own. He has visions whether waking or sleeping, it varies day to day.”

”Kriff.”

”The boy is an incredibly gifted seerer, Qui. I’ve not seen someone so rooted in the Unifying Force in a long time.”

”I-I-I had no idea.”

  
  


“He didn’t tell you.”

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan.”, Jinn said quietly squeezing his hand. 

“I can teach you how to prepare for them.”

“Thank you.”

”I’m glad you commed me.”

”He asked for you specifically.”

”Nevertheless the less, I am grateful.”

Qui-Gon and Dooku make small talk as they wait their beautiful boy to return to them.Dooku sighed, he tended to Obi-Wan quietly as Jinn tried not to be swallowed up by his guilt and remorse. Qui-Gon struggles as he considers how lonely and painful dealing with this episodes alone might be like. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 2 
> 
> Qui-Gon and Dooku talk.

Dooku tries not to be a helicopter parent. He had never been with his first two padawans. In hindsight, he should’ve been more kind and parental. Obi-Wan was sound asleep, finally after fighting with him to rest.   
  


Qui-Gon and Dooku taking shifts frequently check on the boy. Tahl was kind enough to keep an eye on Bruck. Bant and Bruck were concerned about their friend.  


The boy’s chests were still rosey with fever. He still was awfully pukey. It had been a lot of up and down through the early morning   
  


For the last hour or so. Obi-Wan had been peaceful. It did not last. Kenobi whimpered quietly, as he tossed and turned. He was just dreaming, remembering something unpleasant from his early apprenticeship

  
_Obi-Wan was thirteen years old, completing in one of his first Junior Padawan tournaments, placing second in his age group. Master Jinn was disappointing, second was practically losing. It was not first, it was not good enough._   
  


_“I bet you think you did well, Padawan Kenobi. Just because I decided to give you a new bead does not anything.”_

_  
“Yes, Master.”, Obi-Wan sniffled, cowering as Jinn raised his voice._

_“Are those tears?”  
  
_

_”No.”, Kenobi rubs desperately at his eyes._

_”Can’t you handle the way I talk to you?”_

_“No, Master. It’s just......”, Kenobi’s voice trails off. He is interrupted before he can continue.  
  
_

_“You are thirteen years old, stop being a sore loser. I don’t teach losers.”_

_”Yes, Master.”_

_”Are you a loser?”_

_”No, Master.”, Obi-Wan said meekly._

_“I can’t hear you.”_

_”I am not a loser, Master.”, he said louder._   
  


_“Do better next time. You’re lucky I took you as my padawan.”_

“ _Sorry, Master.”_ , Obi-Wan fussed. He woke to a very concerned Master Dooku holding a tea cup. Blinking wearily, they just stared at each other.

”Nightmare?”, Dooku asked. 

”A memory.”

”It didn’t sound pleasant.”

  
Obi-Wan pulls the blanket around him tightly, and sniffles, “I was dreaming of a time Qui-Gon wasn’t nice.”

”I’m sorry, padawan.”

”I don’t want to talk about it.”, the boy sniffled and rolled his his side. His back now faced Dooku, body spoke loud and clear: fuck off.

”Okay. I’ll be here you need me.”

Dooku gives the boy some space , and finds Jinn looking pensive on the balcony. It was not often his padawan was this contemplative. The Middle aged Jedi Master sat on his knees, leaning against the floor.  
  


The elder master sat beside him waiting for Jinn to return from his meditative state. 

“I can hear you thinking from here, sunshine.”, Dooku teased. He gently pressed against their bond, seeking to gauge Jinn’s mood.   
  


“Don’t you have something better to do than poke at my shields, old man?”

”You seemed tense.”

”Are we going to talk about our feelings now?” Jinn shook his head. 

“Qui, why must you always be so stubborn? Cut an old man some stack.”

  
  


“I-I don’t mean to be. Sorry, I was distracted.”, Qui-Gon sighed . 

”I see the boy takes after you.”

”Is Ben okay?”

”He’s a little grumpy, but awake.”

”I-I had no idea his visions and nightmares were this bad.”, Qui-Gon sighed.   
  


“We’ll figure this out too, sunshine.”

”Am I really fit to be his master?”

”I failed with you, and your padawan sister, Komari Vosa.”

”Is our lineage just doomed for failure?”

”The past does not determine our future.”, Dooku decided.

“We make dinner, and check on Ben.”

”I’m here for you, sunshine.”, Dooku squeezes Jinn’s shoulder and is surprised when the man hugs him.   
  


“Thank you, Master.”  
  


Dooku hugs back, “No problem, kiddo.”

  
When they step back into the living room, Obi-Wan’a blankets are in a messy wad and the boy is no where to be found. They search the apartment and do not find him nor does he answer his comm. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2
> 
> Dooku and Jinn find Obi-Wan. The lineage struggles with what to do next.
> 
> TW: Dissociative Episode

They search the Temple for Obi-Wan searching all the known favorite places. Dooku and Jinn are on the verge of freaking out when they get a comm from Dexter. Obi-Wan had come by the dinner and got something to eat. He seemed upset, troubled by something. The boy had a backpack and paid for his to-go meal with credits. Dex followed him to the travel stop, and the boy had purchased a ticket. Obi-Wan was still there, wrapped in his oversized sweater and shivering against the cold air. Qui-Gon found him, and made a relieved sound in the back of his throat.

”Obi-Wan! Thank the Force.”, Jinn wrapped him in a big hug.   
  


“Sorry.”, Obi-Wan sniffled. The boy was stiff and trembling against his Master.   
  


Master Jinn bent down to padawan’s height, “What were you thinking, little one?”, he asked softly wrapping his cloak around the shivering boy.

Qui-Gon wasn’t expecting the boy to flinch, and curl up into himself. Jinn immediately backed up, and gave the boy a wide berth. He could hear the panic and upset in Obi-Wan’s rapid breathing. He called his padawan’s name several times, but did not register any alertness or response. Obi-Wan’s eyes were hazy, locked in a thousand yard stare. Jinn did not know where he had gone.   
  


Dooku caught up with them. His heart crumpled seeing Jinn’s concerned face, tears on his cheeks and Obi-Wan disassociating.   
  


“What happened?”

”I-I don’t know.”, Master Jinn sniffled, looking ashamed he didn’t know how to help Obi-Wan.

Dooku thought quickly on his feet, finding a quiet, corner at the bus station, and helped Obi-Wan onto his feet. He could see the tense melt out of shoulders as they got away from the noise and busyness of the station. He pulled a piece of wrapped candy out of his pocket. Dooku started keeping candy in his pocket for episodes like this. He had quietly been seeing his own mind healer. It helped Obi-Wan’s mind healer also send home a list of strategies to help Kenobi with his PTSD.   
  
  


“You are safe, Obi-Wan. We are at the travel spot. Zu-Fu is here, Qui-Gon is here.”, Dooku handed the piece of candy to the boy who held it tightly in his hand.

Obi-Wan took a few steadying deep breaths, crinkling the wrapper. He seemed slowly to come back into his body, putting the candy in his mouth. His lips curled in surprise at the soul taste. 

Dooku gave him plenty of space, and let Obi-Wan return to a state of some awareness. Jinn shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, “Is he okay?”, the master asked quietly.   
  


“With time, yes. He had a dissociative episode.”   
  


“Did I cause it?”, Jinn’s eyes widened as he saw Obi-Wan flinch. The tension in his shoulders had melted away, but now seemed to begin again. 

”You can be loud, and tactile. Obi-Wan startles sometimes, and his senses are incredibly sensitive.”, Dooku explains, keeping his voice barely above a whisper.   
  
  


Obi-Wan was often quiet after disassociating, feeling floatly and overwhelmed. Dooku did not mind, and had learned how to nonverbally communicate. His sign language was still a little awkward, but he was quickly learning.

Kenobi’s shields were fragile in this state, and Dooku shielded him from the extra stimuli. It also meant Obi-wan could not speak over their bond.  
  


”Home.”, Kenobi signed fervently over and over again. Everything was too loud, bright, and smelly, Obi-Wan felt overwhelmed. He forgot his sunglasses, closing his eyes against the harsh bright lights. People. Lights. Sound. The trains. It all was too loud for his senses to process at one time.

“Where is home?”, Dooku signed back.   
  


“You.”

“Then we’ll go home.”, Dooku signed, helping Obi-Wan up.   
  


Obi-Wan clung to Dooku, burying his face into his cloak. Dooku had no qualms about carrying the sixteen year old back to the Temple. Qui-Go felt out of place and lost, afraid of hurting Obi-Wan.   
  


“There there, lad, it’s going to be okay.”, Dooku soothed running a hand through Obi-Wan’s short hair.

  
Dooku looked unsure as they arrived at the apartment whether to let Qui-Gon in. Jinn’s next comment made the decision for him.

”You’ll need help getting him out of these filthy clothes and into the refresher.”

”You got him?”, Dooku asked passing Obi-Wan to Jinn.

”I got him.”

Obi-Wan held fistfuls of Qui-Gon’s tunic, still wrapped in the man’s massive cloak. It swallowed him, he looked a child in his father’s clothes rather than the man he had become.   
  


“You’ll feel better when we get you out of these wet, cold clothes.”   
  


Jinn carried him into the refresher, and turned the shower on warm. He sat Obi-Wan down, “Can you undress yourself?”

Obi-Wan nodded quietly, trying to will his cold fingers to work. He clumsy undressed, remaining in just his small clothes. When Jinn saw he didn’t have the strength to stand, Qui-Gon stripped down to his small clothes and held Kenobi upright in the shower.

Dooku returned with warm clothes amd towels. Obi-Wan washed himself, and let the water warm his clammy skin. Once Kenobi finished showering, Dooku wrapped him in a warm fluffy towel. They both stepped out to let Obi-Wan dress. Master Jinn was kind enough to carry him to the couch, and stepped aside so Dooku could replait the padawan braids. After finishing fixing the boy’s hair, Dooku wasn’t surprised when Kenobi decided to retreat to his room. They gave him as much space as he needed.

”What now?”, Jinn asked.   
  


“I’ll put your clothes in the dryer. Stay for tea?”

”Sure.”

”Put the kettle on. I’ll find you something dry to wear in the meantime.”

Dooku found a bathrobe, t-shirt and sleep pants for Jinn. Master Jinn put on the tea, and graciously accepted the dry clothes. Once dry, Qui-Gon joined his master at the table for a cup of tea. They sat slipping their tea, letting the quiet pool between them. Dooku felt lost trying to puzzle together what would upset Obi-Wan enough to run away. The last thing he calls is Obi-Wan's fitful sleep, and the boy not wanting to open up. 

"I thought things were going well.", Dooku sighed tiredly. 

"Am I the problem?", Qui-Gon's voice broke, his hands shaking as he held the tea mug between his hands. 

  
"I-I don't know, Qui-Gon. He was genuinely excited about staying the night with you."

"How am I ever going to be able to help him? I feel ill prepared to be Obi-Wan's Master.", Qui-Gon confessed. 

  
  
"It took me a while I learn how to help him through episodes, and ground. You will learn, Qui-Gon, it will take time."

"Maybe, Obi-Wan moving back in with me is a terrible idea."

"Obi-Wan asked for you to be his Master."

"He's sixteen, what does he know?" 

"Kenobi is not a little boy anymore, Qui." 

"W-what if I can't learn?" 

  
"If you want to be in Obi-Wan's life, you'll learn." 

The insecurity creeped into the way Master Jinn held his body. So Master Qui-Gon Jinn he did what he does best running away. He clambers to his feet, and sighs, deciding for now his course of action. "I-I-I need to meditate about this."

  
"Do not walk out of his life.", Dooku pleaded. 

"Tell him I'm sorry." 

  
Dooku wasn't expecting to see Obi-Wan poking his face out his bedroom, the boy had tears streaming down his face. The elder Jedi pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the headache already building. "Shit. Shit. Shit. The kid heard the whole thing.", Yan Dooku thought to himself. They had made so much progress in the last few months, and he worries that fragile trust may be broken. 

"HE LEFT ME AGAIN.", Obi-Wan signed with exasperation. He was mad, fingers moving with speed, and upset. He didn't to speak verbally aloud for Dooku to hear him. 

"Obi-Wan, he just needs some time."

  
"Like how he needed time on Melida-Dann?! You and I both know how well that turned out.", Obi-Wan huffed signing again. He turned angrily on his feet and retreated back to his bedroom slamming the bedroom door.

  
"Ben, please don't shut me out.", Dooku pleaded as he heard things being thrown around. Obi-Wan was madder than he had ever seen him before. The chaos only paused long enough for the boy to shove a piece of Flimsi under the door, "GO AWAY." With a defeated sigh, Master Dooku slumped against padawan's door, and listened to know he was still okay. Recovery, the Jedi Master reminded himself is a process. Sometimes there are roadblocks, and they'll get through this one too, he hopes.


	21. Chapter 21

Dooku sat outside Master Yoda’s office after receiving word his Obi-Wan had gotten into a fight with Quinlan Vos. In the week since Qui-Gon freaked out, Obi-Wan had become quiet and withdrawn. Bant said he wasn’t sitting with them at lunch or meeting for study group. He was almost reclusive, staying either in his room or in the library. The elder master found out Kenobi was cutting classes. He was avoiding sessions with Brother Mulachy. And Bruck reported an uptick in restless sleep. But it surprised Dooku to find Obi-Wan here outside Master Yoda’s office, blood in his knuckles alongside Quin with a broken nose and tissue stuck up his left nostril. 

As for Master Jinn, Dooku found wasn’t answering his comms. Tahl shared she couldn’t even rouse him from his quarters. He was bedraggled and rumpled from his depressive state. Neither Jinn nor Kenobi were faring well in the absence of the other. He was in a state of despair and self-pity like he hadn't been in years. It was concerning to the people who knew and loved Qui-Gon.   
  


“Obi-Wan, I wish you’d talk to me, lad.”, Dooku knelt beside him.   
  


“It doesn’t matter he doesn’t want me.”Obi-Wan huffed.

”You know that’s not true. He’s scared, Obi-Wan.”

“Master Jinn needs to make up his mind. I-I can’t keep going through this want-reject-repeat cycle.”

“Why did you punch Quin? He’s your friend.”

Obi-Wan shrugged, “I just felt like it.”

”Obi-Wan.”, Dooku made a disappointed sound.   
  


“I’ll pack my things and be gone within the hour, say the words.”

“Do you think I’ll let you go that easily?”

”I’m not good enough to be a Jedi.”

”We are not finished with this conversation.”

”Whatever.”

Dooku still hasn't recovered from the last headache Jinn and Kenobi gave him. Summoning every bit of strength he had left, the Jedi Master enters Master Yoda's office and finds Vos' master already waiting. Yan greeted Tholme as polite as he could muster, "I apologize for the actions of my grandpadawan. He has been out of sorts lately."

"Quinlan probably deserved, Kenobi doesn't tend to punch people unprovoked.", Tholme shrugged.

"Spoken to the boys and their teachers I have.", Master Yoda cleared his throat. 

"Ah, I see." 

"Concerned Padawan Vos has been for his friend, as we have all. Touched Padawan Kenobi, unexpectedly he did, Vos saw a memory, upset Kenobi became. Suggested Kenobi get help Vos, the boys fought."

"I've talked to Vos about not touching people without their consent. I will talk with him again." 

"It sounds like Quin was trying to help, good lad, I haven't been able to pull Obi-Wan out of his funk." 

"Punished they both will be for fighting, decided on detention I have, after classes. Good for them both to talk, and deal with all their pent up emotions."

"It is fair.", Tholme nodded. 

"Again, I am sorry, for the actions of Padawan Kenobi, I will talk to him."

Tholme and Dooku shook hands, "The whole temple knows, Yan, it's a shame, I thought Jinn and Kenobi might get through this. Give your boy my best." 

"That's kind of you." 

"You know how teenagers can be."

"I do."

"Speak with you better I will.", Yoda told Yan before letting the men go to collect their padawans. 

  
The Jedi Masters stepped into the hallway, watching as the boys straightened up all of a sudden. Vos and Tholme left giving Yoda's lineage much needed privacy. Master Yoda had stepped into the hallway. Obi-Wan kept his head down, not wanting to face his grand master. He wasn't expecting mercy, his initial words expressed as much. At another time in Yan Dooku's life, he might've send Padawan Kenobi packing and to the AgriCorps. He knows the way he taught his own padawans in the past ended in favor. One Jedi Master with the inability to let go of his fear, and another who fell to the Dark side. 

"Obi-Wan, oh, child, I am not going to send you away."  
  


"I dishonored you, Zu Fu.", Obi-Wan sniffled. 

"No, you were hurt and you decided to hurt someone else. That's what fear and anger do to us, padawan. I think you know that." 

Obi-Wan fell onto his knees, his body taunt like a bow, the tears rushing down his face, "I am so sorry. I-I don't know how to make it up to you."

"Shhh, Obi-Wan.", Dooku said wrapping the boy into a massive hug, holding him close like how a parent holds their child. 

"I-I thought you'd be mad."

"I was never angry with you." 

"I don't understand."

"I am only sad you lost your way."

"Well, I did lose my way. I tried to run away. I punched Vos. I hurt my friends. I let my anger and hurt get the best of me. I was short with Ye Ye. I avoided talking to you."

"You will find it again just as you did before." 

Obi-Wan cries softly into his Zu Fu's cloak, and Dooku holds him close. Master Yoda watches pleased to see Obi-Wan and Dooku talking again. The ancient one knows it his turn to talk to Master Jinn. Sometimes a grandmaster has to speak with wisdom and kindness to their grandpadawan, helping them to find their away again. On a journey Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi have been for many months, it is only expected they would struggle to find their footing.

* * *

Master Yoda brought a new tin of tea, and knocked on Jinn's door, hearing no response he let himself in. He was not surprised by the state of disarray he found the apartment in. He found Qui-Gon curled in on himself in a ball. Unlike Dooku, Yoda knew he could not be nice any longer. It is time to hit Qui-Gon in the shins and get him to realize he is about to let the best thing to just go. 

"Out of this bed, you will."  
  


"I don't want to.", Jinn groaned. 

Master Yoda climbed onto the bed, and pulled the covers away, "Do or do not. Wish to wither away in this bed, do you?"  
  


"I'll hurt him again."

"Already you have, padawan, lose him forever you might if you do not act."

"I'll kriff everything up again."

"Needs you, Obi-Wan does, need him you do."

"It's doomed to fail."

"With that attitude, it will." 

"You should go."

"I will not. Shower you will, smell of death you do."  
  


"I'm not a child."

"Stop acting like one, then treat you like one I won't have to."

  
After much banter, Master Jinn finally rouses from bed looking worse than death warmed over. He went to take a shower, so Master Yoda made tea and sat the containers of food he brought on the table. He would be more pleased when Jinn had eaten something, and was sitting upright. The elder of the lineage would not allow this behavior to go on any longer. Jinn and Kenobi cannot continue to act like this.

Around the time Master Yoda prepared the evening meal, Jinn appeared showered and dressed in clean clothes.   
  


“Fix your hair I will. Sit.”

”It is quite alright.”

Master Yoda hit Qui-Gon in the shins with his gimmer stick, “Listen you will, padawan.”

“Yes, Master.”

With care, Master Yoda brushed Qui-Gon’s hair and gently braid it into one long braid. His touch was affectionate and loving. It made Jinn feel ashamed for how he treated Obi-Wan.

“Can hear your guilt form here I can.”

”Why are you being nice?”

”Hurting you are, and hurt others you have.”

”You should forget about me, Ye Ye.”

“Sound like Obi-Wan you do, pitiful souls you are. Cannot continue like this we can.”

”I forfeit my claim to the boy. It will only lead to his pain and suffering.”

”Do no such thing you will.”

”But Master......”

”Hush, padawan. Shut up, drink tea, and eat will we. I talk, you listen.”

”Yes, Master.”

Master Yoda ties Qui-Gon’s hair gently, “Should’ve done this earlier I think.”

”How is Obi-Wan, Master?”

”As miserable as you are, pushing away the people he loves, getting into fights. Wonder who taught him this, I ponder.”

”I am sorry, Master.”

”Misguided your intentions are, find our away back we will.”

”I understand.”

”Getting too old for this shit, I am. Grey hairs Master Yoda has from lineage.”

”Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”, Master Yoda hits his shins again.

  
Jinn grimaces, “Yes, Master.”

Alike, Jinn and Kenobi are, Yoda muses, yet so different. Impossible stubbornness. Always wanting to do the right thing, going about it the wrong way. They will find their way, Yoda think, but it will be challenging. 


	22. Chapter 22

Bruck and Dooku sat at the kitchen table quietly together. They looked at each other in surprise when Obi-Wan graced them with his presence, showered and dressed, already having done his morning meditation and said his prayers.   
  


They both looked at each other. Obi-Wan fixed his bowl of oatmeal and sat with them, eating quietly, “What?”

”It’s nice to see you up is all.”, Dooku sipped his yes diplomatically.   
  


“We missed the old Obi-Wan.”, Bruck announced, less diplomatically.   
  


Dooku chokes on his sip of tea. Obi-Wan refrains from laughing. He gives a tight lipped smile, “I see.”

Their little lineage enjoy a family meal. Bruck fit in surprisingly well. The boys were good for each other help. Dooku enjoyed teaching them.   
  


“We best head off to class.”, Obi-Wan said as he rinsed his bowl off in the sink. He tugged Bruck along with him. He waited until they were in the hallway.

”What was that about?”

”You’ve been a little weird lately, Obes.”

”Sorry.”

”It’s okay. We understand Master Jinn hurt your feelings.”

”You can have the shower first tomorrow.”

”Really?”

”And I’ll do the dishes for a week.”

”Obi-Wan, are you sucking up to me?”

”Yes, I am, my not quite padawan-brother.”

”Okay.”

Obi-Wan headed off to class feeling more like himself than he had in weeks. He still distanced himself from his clan and age mates. He remembered Quinlan’s confrontation hadn’t gone well. It was best to keep away for now. He was used to being alone anyways.

The strategy worked most of the morning. Obi-Wan kept to himself in class, and during saber training. But lunch came, it would be harder to keep them away. He took his tray to a empty table prepared to eat alone.   
  


He could detect Bant’s familiar force presence, the others were not far behind. Obi-Wan sighed quietly to himself, “Hi, Bant.”

”Can we sit with you?”

“I suppose.”

”Stop avoiding us. You are doing the thing again.”, Garen said taking a seat.   
  


“What thing?”

”Protecting us from your infinite sadness shtick.”, Reeft rolled his eyes.   
  


“It’s true!”

”We are your friends, Obes. We can’t just leave you alone.”, Quinlan agreed.

“I will always end up alone.”

”With that attitude you will.”, Bant chided.   
  


“Fine! I’m sorry.”

  
  


“We know.”, Reeft squeezed his hand.   
  


“I don’t want to bleed on you.”

“We are clan. We support each other.”, Garen affirmed.

Obi-Wan squeezes his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling, will he outlive them too? He has seen the images of the temple destroyed, burning, and younglings dead. 

* * *

Dooku and Yoda had enough of the self-deprecation. They had begun to plot how to get Jinn and Kenobi in the same room. It was simple, Jinn and Kenobi shared a love for the Room of a Thousand fountains.

Maybe, it wasn’t kind to each plan an outing that occurred at the same time without telling Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon, but the elder masters were tired of the moping.   
  


Despite the improvements in Kenobi’s appearance and demeanor, Dooku knew he was still upset. Yoda may have succeeded in getting Qui-Gon out of bed, but the man was absolutely dejected and miserable.

Obi-Wan sat in a lotus position expecting to spend the afternoon meditating with his grandmaster. He knew the moment he felt Qui-Gon’s dimmed Force presence this was a set up. 

“You didn’t tell me Qui-Gon was going to be here.”

“I had no idea Master Yoda was going to meet with him.”

”Hmmm.”, Obi-Wan replied skeptical.

”You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to.”

Dooku and Obi-Wan began trying to sync in the Force. Obi-Wan took a deep breath and search his Zu Fu’s force signature, but the nagging question his gut bothered him.

”How is he?”, Obi-Wan asked quietly, he tried not to care about Jinn anymore. But failed miserably, much to his discontent.   
  


“Honestly? Not even Master Tahl can pull him out of his funk. The man wouldn’t eat, sleep or get out of bed. I haven’t seen him this bad in a long time.”

  
  
“Ye Ye did his hair all wrong.”, Obi-Wan observed. 

  
  


“That’s what you are concerned about.”

”I wouldn’t do his hair wrong.”

“Well, Master Jinn isn’t your concern anymore.”

Obi-Wan shook his head, “Right.”

He tired to slip into a meditative state, but couldn’t find balance. Obi-Wan had been out of sorts for weeks now.

”You did this on purpose you shivered old green troll.”, Qui-Gon accused seeing Dooku and Obi-Wan together. He was jealous at the ease and familiarity the two held.

”Way past town for you to decide what you are going to do.”

”I will hurt him again.”

”Wound you both, you are with your fear.”

”We’ve been through this before.” 

  
  
“Into the Force you look.”

Qui-Gon feels the living Force surround him, tug at him until he obeys. He gives himself to it, am image bubbles to mind clear as day, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon moving in perfect sync on the battle fueled. He can feel their strong bond pulsate. They are two sides of the same coin, destinies intertwined. 

“Tell you what does it?”

”The Force wants us to be a team.”

”Enough for you to make a decision, yes or no?”

”I thought I did. Look, our partnership is tainted by old hurts. He deserves a better Master than me.”

”Then become a better Master you must.”

The Force trembles within Qui-Gon, there is apart of him that cannot leg Obi-Wan go. It scares him to love the boy so deeply, knowing inevitably he will hurt him again.   
  


“I am afraid.”

“Fragile thing love is, why we must be gentle with our hearts.”

”You know I love him?”

”Of course. Seen the way you look at him, like a father loves a son. Fearful of losing him you are.”

Qui-Gon squeezes his eyes shut, the tears streaming down his cheeks, “It would be better for him if I walked up.”

”Not so sure of that I am. Lost you both have been without each other. Go to him, you should.”

”What if I am unwelcome?”

”Won’t know unless you ask.”

Qui-Gon gets up on shaky limbs, he has felt terribly ill since he ran away from Obi-Wan. He approached the spot where Dooku and Kenobi sat tentatively, “May I speak with you, Ben?”, Jinn clears his throat.   
  


“You may, Master Jinn.”

The formality of title and the clipped tone of Obi-Wan’s voice makes him grimace. But he does not falter as he takes a seat.

”I apologize for running away again. It has become my MO.”

”I can’t keep doing this.”, Obi-Wan’s voice cracks.

”i understand.”

Their tentative bond has felt frail, almost as if it would crumble. Obi-Wan is crying silently now, Jinn can feel the way his actions gave wounded the boy.   
  
  


He is ashamed, knowing how much progress and healing Obi-Wan had gone before Jinn rubbed salt in healing wounds. Neither of them is sure where to go from here, but for now, Jinn reached out to offer his hand and Obi-Wan took it. 


	23. Chapter 23

It was the first time Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had been left alone just the two of them in weeks. The sunbeams danced around Obi-Wan’s skin in the warm sun room. He sat humming to himself as steady hands worked though the beginning of a knitted blanket.

Master Tahl had taught him, something to do with his hands now that his lost sight meant he couldn’t draw any longer. He found the repetition soothing, and grounding.

Qui-Gon quietly worked on painting sun catchers for their shared quarters. He wondered if they would still be their home. Could they really get past their hurt?

“Would you like to tell me why you ran away, punched your friend, avoided your Zu Fu, and ditched your mind healing sessions?”

”Not particularly, no. Would you like to explain why you ditched me for the nth time?”

Qui-Gon sighed, this boy gave him heart palpitations and grey hairs, “I was being an idiot again.”

”That doesn’t exactly sound like an explanation , Master Jinn.”

”I don’t want to hurt you, Obi-Wan.”

”Yet you did yet again.”

”I’m so so sorry, lad. It was wrong of me to run away. I was scared, and let my fear consume me.”

  
“Do you ever think we love each other but just don’t know how?”

”Do continue.”

”We can’t live like we are just waiting for the shoe to drop. Do or do not. There is no try as Ye Ye would say.”

”Oh, how you have grown wise, my sparrow.”

”Perhaps not. I confess I let my fear get the best of me as well.”

”I haven’t given you much reason to trust me.”

”It’s hard to give your heart away when you are afraid of being hurt again.”

”What do you recommend, padawan?”

”We have to decided to either risk being hurt again or part from our apprenticeship.”

”What do you want to happen, Ben?”

  
”It’s not about what I want.

”Of course not. You have a say.”

”I decided you are who I want to be Master. I’m tired of waiting for you to chose me. It’s your turn, Master Jinn

”Obi-Wan, I-I-I.....”

”I can’t wait around forever for you.”

”Obi, Wan, please....”

”I have waited long enough for you, Qui-Gon. Do not make me wait any longer it is cruel.”

“You didn’t let me finish!”

”Speak then.”

”I chose you, padawan. You are mine, and I am yours. Master and Padawan. If you‘ll have me.”

Tears fill Obi-Wan’s eyes, he accepts Qui-Gon’s outstretched hand and closes the distance between them with a hug. Master Jinn holds him close, they feel their collective warmth pool between them.   
  


“We mustn’t be so afraid of hurt we keep hurting each other.”

”I agree, padawan.”

”You really chose me?”

”A thousand times yes.”

”If I’m different? I’m not the boy you knew, Qui-Gon. I cannot be him again. He died on Melida-Dann, I became something else in order to survive you must understand.”

“Yes, my sparrow, even if you are different. I will learn how to help you.”   
  


  
  


“You might not like what you see.”

”Do you love the parts of me that are broken, and faulty? I am a flawed man, Obi-Wan.”

”Yes, Master. I love you, the good and the bad.”

“You are my child, Obi-Wan, whom I have promised to nurture and love. I know I haven’t always done a great job, but I am trying to do better.”

“Zu Fu says all we can do is try to be a better person tomorrow than we were today.”

”Your Zu Fu is a wise man.”

”I don’t want you to leave me again. I do not think I could bare it.”

”Oh, Ben.”, Qui-Gon murmured combing through Obi-Wan’s hair with his fingers. They clung together, desperately needing the reassurance of a hug. 

* * *

After Jinn and Kenobi’s talk, Dooku was waiting for Obi-Wan, they had agreed to regroup. The pair decided to visit one of Dooku’s favorite gardens and feed the ducks.

They sit knee to knee on the bench throwing pellet of food into the pond. Obi-Wan feels warm and safe when he’s with his grandmaster.

”How did you talk go?”, Dooku asks.

”We agreed to continue our apprenticeship.”

”Good for you both.”

”Zu Fu, when are you going to ask Bruck to be your padawan?”

”I beg your pardon.”

”I know you’ve wanted to for a while now.”

”It isn’t a good time.”

”He needs a Master, and I’ve seen the way you work together.”

”Are you sure you and Qui-Gon will be okay?”

”I know we will be.”

”Has Bruck said something to you?”

”No, I just think it’s time we start thinking about the future.”

”You know, I will not abandon you, Obi-Wan. You are my lineage.”

“I know, Zu Fu. Ask him.”

Dooku’s eyes are wet, “We are coming to a new chapter in our lives aren’t we?”

”I think we are, Zu Fu.”

”You brought joy back into my life, Obi-Wan. A second chance.”

”You stood by me when no one else did. Bruck deserves the same.”

”Of course. I admit I have spoken to the Council. I haven’t wished to rush things while so many factors are up in the air.”

”We are going to be okay, Zu Fu. All of us, I know it.”, Obi-Wan squeezed his grandmaster‘s hand.

“You know so?”

”I know.”

They sat together feeling their bond pulsate with affection and friendship. Obi-Wan was right, it was time Dooku and Bruck had a second chance too. 


End file.
